


Playing With Fire

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drama, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-19
Updated: 2011-02-16
Packaged: 2019-01-19 06:36:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12405000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: Summary: AU. What starts out as an innocent crush soon leads to a fiery affairbetween Lily and her new roommate James. As they try to hide their affair fromLily's boyfriend, both of them find out what it means to get burned.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

 

  


 Hello everybody. Here is my fic and I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

.....................................................................................................

“Are you sure we have to do this?”

 

     It was late afternoon on a hot sticky July day and mountains of bills and past due notices piled around Lily. She picked up one at random and groaned as the red letters that spelled “past due” glared at her. She glanced at her boyfriend Alex, whose frown was becoming a permanent feature on his face as he sifted through notice after notice running his hand through his blonde locks. Normally Lily found this gesture endearing. Today she ignored him, trying to keep her temper under control. As she looked through all the bills, she just couldn’t believe how deep he had gotten himself in.

 

     Lily and Alex had been living together for the past year and apparently collected three years worth of debt in that amount of time. They were high school sweethearts, excited to be living on their own for the first time and went a little overboard decorating their place. The big plasma television in the living room and brand new bedroom furniture was proof. Both of them were also in college and their student loans were starting to catch up with them.

 

     Alex chanced a glance at Lily sensing her disapproval as she flipped through page after page. Her long red hair fell over her face like a curtain; hiding the anger in the dazzling green eyes that Alex had come to love dearly. He knew she was less than happy about their financial situation but he thought he might have an idea on how to help.

 

     It wasn’t really that surprising that Alex had this much debt. He was constantly spending more money than he earned. While Lily was appreciative of the extravagant birthday and anniversary gifts he gave her, it would do neither of them any good if they didn’t have a place to live. Lily had always been more careful with her money and was irked her that she was still in debt.  Lily was secretly glad all of the bills were in Alex’s name even though they both worked together to pay them off.  She knew it would take them awhile to eradicate the debt but she wasn’t prepared for the suggestion he had in order to save money.

 

     “A roommate? I don’t know Alex. I don’t like the idea of some stranger living with us.” Lily started remembering all the horror stories her friends had told her about their own experiences with roommates. People who didn’t clean up after themselves, didn’t pay their rent on time, or even worse stole items from them.

 

     Alex sighed and put down another bill. “I know Lily. But think of the money we’ll save if we split the rent with someone. It will cut down our expenses in half. If people are interested we’ll have them fill out a background check and make sure they are okay. But hopefully we can get someone before the semester begins. There must be tons of people looking for a place other than the dorms to live in and hopefully we’ll only have to do this for a year. We’ll have the place back to ourselves in no time.” He tried to sound confident in his idea, hoping Lily would go along with it.

 

     Lily knew he was right. Part of her was angry at him for getting them so deep in debt they had to open up their home to a complete stranger. But the other part was anxious to pay off the debt so they could move past it. She didn’t want to continue living their life counting every penny.

 

     She rubbed her forehead, feeling a headache coming on. She sighed. She glanced into his sky blue eyes that were silently pleading with her. She gave in. “Okay let’s do it.”

 

...............................................................................................................

 

     Apparently a lot of people were looking for a new place to live. At least that seemed to be the case with Lily and Alex. Day after day they received phone calls inquiring about their room for rent. But none of their leads ever panned out. People either thought the rent was too high or didn’t pass the background check. 

 

     A week later, Lily was about to suggest that they abandon the idea when Alex’s phone rang. He picked it up and Lily could tell from the conversation that it was another prospective renter. She sighed.  She listened in to the conversation.

 

     “Yeah, rent is six hundred a month and it includes all utilities. No pets and we are asking everyone to fill out a background check.” Alex paused, a smile starting to unfold on his face. “No, that would be fine. Okay sounds good. See you at three o’clock.” Alex ended the conversation and turned to Lily. She was about to ask him about the phone call when he pressed his lips against hers, smiling. “It looks like we found someone Lils.”  He declared looking proud of himself.

 

     Lily wasn’t so sure. They had been down this road before. Everyone always sounded perfect over the phone. “We haven’t met them yet; I wouldn’t start counting the money yet.”

 

     Alex dismissed her claim. “No he sounds legit Lils. He said he lived in one of the dorms last year but he thought that it was too small. He saw our ad in the paper and wants to come by later today and check it out. He was okay with the price and background check too.” 

 

     So it was a guy. Lily silenced her disappointment. She had been hoping for a female roommate. Girls tended to be cleaner and more respectful. She didn’t want some fraternity brother living with them coming in at all hours of the night. Nonetheless, she got out of bed, hiding her face from Alex and started picking up clothes from the floor. Cleaning the apartment would distract her from the stranger’s imminent arrival.

 

     A couple of hours later, Lily sat on the sofa watching the minutes creep closer to three. Alex sat next to her, flipping through the channels on the TV, a nervous habit that irked Lily to no end. She was about to snap at him when the doorbell rang. Alex jumped up and went to answer the door. Lily got up and turned off the TV, taking a deep breath. She followed Alex to the front door. He gave her a brief smile before turning the knob. Lily did her best to compose a grin on her face. 

 

     The door opened and Lily found herself staring up into a pair of sparkling hazel eyes. Lily eyes went wide as she took in every detail. He was tall, even taller than Alex and his raven hair had a messy bed head look to it. But it looked strangely sexy as though someone had been passionately running their fingers through it in the heat of the moment. The stranger smiled at her then at Alex. Lily felt her fake smile relaxing into a genuine one. She saw out of the corner of her eye Alex extend his hand to the handsome stranger in front of her.

 

     “Hi, I’m James Potter. We spoke over the phone, I just wanted to come by and check out the place for myself. It sounded perfect in the paper.” He flashed both of them a brilliant smile and Lily found herself without the ability to speak. She glanced at Alex hoping he would take the lead. 

 

     He did. “Of course, come on in. Lily and I have been looking for someone to split the rent with and I figured a lot of students might be looking for something off campus.”  Alex led them into the living room and James walked around a bit, wandering into the kitchen as he spoke.

 

     “Yeah I did the whole college experience thing last year.  It was defiantly too small, too loud, and too expensive. Seems like all anybody wants to do is party. Not that there’s anything wrong with a good party now and then.” He flashed another grin. “But it gets old real fast. I need to start concentrating on my classes if I hope to make it out of here in four years.” He chuckled to himself. 

 

     Alex nodded. “I know the feeling. Lily and I are both taking a ton of classes this semester so we won’t be stuck here before they decide to raise the tuition again.” Alex looked over at Lily, who appeared not to be listening.

 

     Lily heard her name being spoken aloud but she was too busy concentrating on not staring at the gorgeous guy in front of her.  She loved her boyfriend. She really did. Actually she had never been with any guy besides Alex and really had never found anyone else attractive. That was until now. 

 

     Lily tried to pull herself together so she wouldn’t look crazy. She was practically hyperventilating. She smile tentatively at the guy in front of her and then turned to Alex.  “I guess he should see what the room looks like right?” She nodded her head at Alex who in return gave her a curious look, but he turned back to James. “Um yeah, alright, so your room would be this way” Alex gestured toward James and the pair of them walked off toward the room.

 

     Lily knew she was overreacting and she internally scolded herself. He was just a good looking guy. There were tons of good looking guys on campus. Why was he any different? 

 

     He was just another pretty face.  A pretty face that would be naked in _her_ shower. Lily groaned, shaking her head to get rid of the fantasy that had popped up in her head. Maybe if she was lucky, James wouldn’t like the place and he would leave. Lily knew it was wrong to wish that, after all she and Alex needed the money, but Lily didn’t want to live for an entire year hiding from her roommate. 

 

     She heard the two boy’s voices growing louder as they made their way back into the living room. Lily rearranged the features on her faces to appear nonchalant. She read the look of jubilation of Alex’s face and she felt her stomach sink.

 

     Alex walked over to her. “Good news Lils. James said he’ll take it.” He glanced at his girlfriend and then at James. “I think this is going to work out great.”  Lily grinned nervously, glancing up quickly at James.

 

     James grinned too, noticing how Lily’s eyes wouldn’t quite meet his but finding their green color breathtaking. But he knew she was off limits and found he was oddly grateful for that. The last thing he needed was a romance with a roommate. Things often got messy when there was that kind of living arrangement.

 

     So it was settled then. Lily only hoped she would grow immune to her new roommates’ good looks and she found herself breathing a little easier as she turned to her boyfriend.  “Sounds good honey.”

 

She only hoped it would be.

.............................................................................................................

 

     A month later, Lily had to admit Alex was right. Slowly but surely their mountain of debt grew smaller as did their stress from their finances. It was a nice change.

 

     Unfortunately for Lily, her growing attraction for her new roommate was not getting smaller. James had been nothing but respectful since moving in, always making sure he respected the couple’s privacy. He also appeared to be a bit of a neat freak. Lily had caught him more than once rearranging magazines and dusting off the furniture. Lily had also caught him without a shirt on during those occasions and she always felt herself blush as she averted his gaze. He never did anything to make her feel uncomfortable on purpose and felt guilty for harboring these feelings. But James was really just a nice guy and Lily tried to see him that way.

 

     All in all, things were going smoothly, or as smoothly as Lily could have hoped given the awkward circumstances.

     It was the middle of the week and Lily was walking home from the library, her arms aching from the pile of books she lugged with her. Her professors had been brutal so far this semester and Lily longed for the day she wore her cap and gown and held her diploma. She made her way to her apartment, fumbling with the key, cursing as she dropped a couple of books in the process.

 

     Eventually, she got the door open and went inside. It was quiet and Lily sensed she was alone. She was grateful for this; she needed the silence to study.  She put her books on her desk and felt a lull come over her. She glanced at the clock and decided a little afternoon nap couldn’t hurt. 

 

     She made her way to her bedroom when suddenly the door to the bathroom opened and out stepped James.

 

In a towel. Dripping wet. 

 

     Lily wasn’t tired anymore. Her senses went into overdrive as her eyes soaked in every detail. Every gorgeous detail.  Lily took a step back, feeling a burning desire to run away. Or at him. She wasn’t sure.

 

     James flashed a sheepish grin. “Hey, I’m sorry Lily. I thought I was alone. Next time I’ll make sure.” He laughed uneasily, his abs rippling in the process. He adjusted his slipping towel, staring intently at her, waiting for a response.

 

     Lily’s brain shouted at her. _Say something! Anything!_ She could only imagine what her face looked like right now.“Uh well to be fair, you were alone. I came home early from the library. I was just going to go try to take a nap now.” _Would you like to join me?_ Lily cursed her brain for conjuring up forbidden images. 

 

     James smiled at her. “Well sweet dreams” And with that he turned away from her, heading for his room and closing the door with a thud which awakened Lily from her daydream.

 

     What was wrong with her? Her she was, in her boyfriend’s apartment, the same boyfriend who she loved more than anything. She thought back to when her friends would tease her about only being with one guy. She had ignored their arguments that it wasn’t good to have only been with one guy, especially when she was in college. But now Lily was starting to wonder if her friends had been right. 

 

     Some nights when Alex had late classes, Lily had found herself in James’s company. They would sit together on the sofa and chat idly about whatever was on the television. Their conversations were never too deep, but Lily was fascinated with his world views sometimes. They were so different from Alex’s and Lily had to admit it made for a nice change of pace. Once or twice she and James had even gotten into a friendly argument over some topics and Lily could tell he was a passionate person. And if he was passionate about something as simple as a TV show, she could only imagine what other kind of passion he had.  

 

     Lily shook herself mentally. No, she loved Alex and that was it. He had been there for her for so long; she knew she had found her man. Lily realized she was still standing in the hallway, staring at James’s door. Lily made herself turn around and go into the bedroom to take a nap. She lay there, wishing for sleep.

 

But she knew it would useless now.

 

     James found himself lying on his bed as well thinking of his roommate. His recent encounter with Lily in the hall had been most unusual. But then again most of the time he spent with Lily was unusual. Sometimes he thought he caught Lily staring at him. Not that he minded, she had the most beautiful eyes. It just confused him.  He knew she loved her boyfriend. It was evident in the way they spoke to each other and glanced at each other from across the room. Once in awhile James even felt like a third wheel when he would sit in the living room watching TV with them.

 

     But James still thought he could detect a hint of lust during those rare times when she would actually look into his eyes. James thought his eyes must have mirrored those thoughts for he found Lily very attractive despite the fact that she was spoken for. She was a true redhead, her temper getting the best of her at times, but when she got angry that only made her more attractive. Something about her anger would make her brilliant green eyes grow brighter and James got slightly aroused just thinking about that anger being translated into the bedroom. He suspected Lily found him attractive as well and he thought that may be why she seldom looked into his eyes.

 

     James chided himself internally. Lily had a boyfriend and as far as he could tell, she had no intention of leaving him. 

 

And that, James thought, was a shame.

 

..........................................................................................................................

 

     A couple of more weeks slipped by and before Lily knew it her birthday was upon her. She was excited; Alex always made her feel special on her birthday. And by now they had paid off enough bills so they wouldn’t feel guilty about celebrating. But when Lily woke up on the morning of her birthday she found herself alone in bed with a note on the pillow next to her.

 

     “Happy Birthday, love. I’m sorry I’m not there waking up with you, but I promise to make it up to you tonight. I made a reservation at your favorite restaurant so I’ll pick you up at six tonight. I can’t wait to see you. Love Alex”

 

     Lily felt slightly disappointed but she knew her and Alex would have a wonderful time later that night. She went back to sleep dreaming of a fantastic night.

 

     Later that night, Lily was dressed up and alone. She sat in disbelief, glancing up at the clock, and taking in the time. 6:45. She tried calling Alex’s phone but got voicemail instead. She felt her anger growing with each passing second and she found herself pacing in the living room.

 

     Just then the door opened and Lily turned around, about to release some of the pent up anger that had been building for the past forty-five minutes. But instead she was greeted by James who was home from his night class.

 

     James took in the scene in front of him. Lily was standing there, looking as beautiful as ever in a short green dress that matched her eyes. Her eyes appeared angry and shocked. It looked like she had been expecting someone else to walk through the door.  He felt tension in the air and wondered what it was about.

 

     “Hey Lily, where are you off to?” He tried to lighten the mood but apparently had said the wrong thing for her eyes flashed in anger.

 

     “Apparently, I’m going nowhere.  Alex was supposed to be here almost an hour ago to take me out for my birthday. Not only is he not here but I can’t even reach him on his phone. I haven’t seen him all day.” She finished her statement, seething.

 

     James knew in that moment that Alex was an idiot. Here was this beautiful woman waiting for him to come and be with her and he was off god knows where. But deep down he felt a little bit grateful for his absence because it meant he got to spend a little more time with Lily. Despite his best attempt to steer clear of her he was still drawn to her on the rare occasions he found himself alone with her. 

 

     He moved awkwardly toward her, but thought better of it at the last minute and sat down on the sofa instead. To his surprise, she sat down next to him and even more surprising she stared straight into his eyes. 

 

     “I just can’t believe Alex did this. He knows how important my birthday is to me. Why hasn’t he at least called?”

 

     James didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t fathom why her boyfriend would have stood her up on her birthday. He opened up his mouth to say something consoling to her when he found Lily moving closer to him. He didn’t know what to make of it and half of his brain urged him to move closer. He tried again to say something but before he could get a word out he felt Lily lips against his. 

 

     Lily’s mind went blank. Part of her knew instinctively that what she was doing was wrong, but in that moment she was so angry and so attracted to the man that sat in front of her that she wanted to block out any other thoughts. She groaned as she felt James respond to her kiss with an intensity she hadn’t even imagined was possible and she pressed herself harder against him. This was a million times better than the fantasies that had played out in her head for the past couple of months.

 

     At that moment James broke away, his breathing heavy but his eyes were inflamed with lust. As much as he wanted her, he didn’t want to cause her anymore problems. He looked into her eyes that were pondering him. “Lily I knew you are upset but I don’t want to come between you and Alex.” 

 

     Lily thought about his words and the practical part of her mind knew he was right. But she found herself not caring too much right now.  She took a deep breath. “You won’t.” And with that she leaned forward again, pressing her lips against his, silencing anymore of his protests. 

 

     James gave up, he knew the battle was lost and he tried to enjoy the victory. One of his hands tangled in her hair while the other drifted down her body. Lily moaned quietly, the fire rising inside her body rapidly. His hand slid up her thigh and Lily could feel a liquid heat rising in her stomach. She stood up suddenly, tugging on James’s hand, her eyes heavy lidded. 

 

“Take me to your room”. 

 

And James did just that.

.........................................................................................

I hope you enjoyed it. If you did or did not, I would love to hear from you!  
  
---  
  
 


	2. Chapter 2

 

  


Thanks to everyone who reviewed. This is an AU story so I hope everyone is enjoying it. I would love to hear some more feedback. It really helps me :) 

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. 

............................................................................................................................ 

For the first time ever, Lily woke up in her guest room. She opened her eyes slowly, stretching her body and taking in her surroundings. Rolling over, she was met with a shock of messy black hair with a masculine arm wrapped around her waist and last night’s events suddenly rushed back into her memory. 

All of it, every excruciating detail made its way to the forefront of her mind as she replayed the scene in her head. Her waiting for Alex, the way he stood her up and how she had found comfort in her roommate’s arms. That part was especially fresh in her mind. 

Lily now knew the real meaning of "birthday sex." 

It had been unlike anything she had ever shared with Alex. Her boyfriend had always been so careful with her, as if she was made of glass. Together her and Alex had been, at best, compatible, but  nowhere near the level of passion Lily now knew was possible. 

With James, all pretenses were abandoned. There were no real feelings involved.  What she and James shared was nothing short of raw lust and part of Lily knew she would never be completely satisfied with nothing less ever again. 

Lily had been so lost in thought she hadn't heard James stirring next her. Panic coursed through Lily, knowing she wasn't prepared to face him just yet. What would she say? What would he say? 

She felt a tiny bit of remorse for her actions but it was hard to feel guilty when she had experienced the most incredible pleasure of her life.  As the memories replayed in her head, she could feel herself blushing. But she knew she had to act fast if she wanted to avoid the awkward post sex talk. 

Not wasting another second, Lily slid out of the bed and searched for her dress on the floor and quietly crept out of the room. To her relief, James remained fast asleep. 

Lily stood out in the hall, unsure of what to do, when a sound from the front door startled her from her thought process. 

Lily watched as the door popped open and she found herself face to face with none other than Alex. 

.................................................................................................................................... 

Lily and Alex stared at each other for a full minute before Alex spoke. He took a tentative step toward her, sensing the chill between them. Alex knew he had done something horrible to her but he was desperate to explain the circumstances. 

"Lily, I am so sorry, last night I was on my way to come pick you up when I got a call from my mom. She was home with my dad last night when he started having a heart attack, and my mom rushed him to the hospital and she called me on her way.  I just forgot everything else and I met her there. It was really bad and for awhile they didn't think he was going to make it at first but he ended up pulling through." 

Guilt seeped through every pore in Lily's body. She didn't know what to say, here she was, now a cheater, and her boyfriend had been at the hospital while she had given into her passion with James. 

She tried to make sense of it. "I tried calling you last night, but I got your voicemail." 

Alex nodded. "I know, I checked my phone at one point and had seen that you called but by the time I found a minute to call you back my phone had died and then my dad started having problems again. I know that's a pretty poor excuse, but I'm so sorry, I know how much you love celebrating your birthday. Can you ever forgive me?" He finished his story, silent tears falling down his cheeks. Lily had never seen Alex look so distraught. 

_He_ was asking for forgiveness. Any other time, Lily would have appreciated the irony, but the weight of her guilt was starting to make her ill. She thought of the sleeping man in the room nearby and knew she couldn't say anything without talking to him first. 

"Of course I forgive you Alex, there's nothing to forgive really. It's your father. Family always comes first." Alex smiled at his girlfriend's forgiving nature and went to her side. 

"I love you so much Lily. And you are my family too. Don't ever forget that." He smiled at her, bending down and kissing her sweetly. 

Lily's mind screamed at her in agony but it was nothing compared to what she saw when she broke away from her boyfriend's lips. 

James Potter staring back at them, his curious gaze burning a hole into Lily. 

..................................................................................................................................... 

The moment between the three of them was definition of awkward. Even Alex felt uneasy but was unsure why. He glanced from his girlfriend to his roommate and he had the odd feeling like he had missed something. But he shrugged off the feeling and attributed it to his lack of sleep. 

To say James was confused was an understatement. He had just woken up after an amazing night with his beautiful roommate to find his bed empty. James didn't find that unusual, he thought things might be a little awkward at first. He had laid in bed, reminiscing about the previous night, the hours he had spent with Lily, reveling in the passion they had shared. It had been a relief to finally act on the fantasies they had harbored for months. He had been delighted to discover that her red headed passion had proved to be an excellent quality in a lover. 

But for once James felt himself uncharacteristically at a loss for words when he stumbled upon Lily and Alex kissing in the hall. He didn't know what to feel really. Lily was still technically Alex's boyfriend but wasn't this the same man that had stood her up the night before? This man absence was the sole reason Lily had thrown caution to the wind and gave into her desire with James. 

But what happened now?  James couldn't take the silence anymore. 

"Hey Alex, I see you made it home. Where were you last night?" James glanced at Lily and could see remorse pooling in her emerald eyes. 

Alex had the grace to look guilty. "Yeah I was on my way home last night, but my dad had a heart attack and I met my mom at the hospital. I tried to call Lily but my phone died before I had the chance." 

The reason behind Lily's guilty eyes was clear. Even James felt a twinge of guilt at Alex's story. But on the other hand, James's night with Lily had only stoked the fire the two of them had been building for months and he didn't want extinguish it. 

He could feel Lily's eyes silently pleading with him to keep quiet and for her sake he did. 

But he was not one to give in without a fight. 

................................................................................................................................... 

Lily felt her world spinning out of control. One minute she was mad beyond reason at her boyfriend, only to feel like a complete disgrace the next. How could this have happened? She glanced nervously between Alex and James and she could feel herself holding her breath. 

She was relieved when Alex declared he needed to take a shower to wash the night off of him and further excused himself from Lily, making his way into the bathroom. 

Once the door was shut, James turned his gaze back towards Lily and opened his mouth to say something but stopped at the sight of Lily shaking her head furiously at him. She made a motion for him to follow her into his bedroom and without hesitation he obliged. 

He was about to say something again when Lily cut him off with a statement she had obviously rehearsed in her head the moment before. 

"Last night was a mistake." Lily felt the gravity of the situation weigh down her and she felt it was best if they just ignored it. If they swept this under the rug there was no reason things couldn't go back to the way they were before. 

James was taken aback, but only for a moment. 

"Maybe it was technically a mistake, since you thought Alex stood you up, but come on Lily, this thing or whatever you want to call it, has been going on for months between us. Alex's absence confirmed it." James smirked when he seen Lily bristle at his statement. 

"It doesn't matter why it happened. Nothing has to change. Alex would be heartbroken if I told him what I did." Lily frowned at the thought. 

"And what about me?" James snapped back at her. 

"What about you?" 

"If I'm not mistaken last night was pretty amazing." James took a step closer to Lily, determined to bridge the gap she had created between them. "Passion like that doesn't happen every day. I think it would be a mistake if we ignored it." 

Lily glared at him in disbelief. "There is nothing to ignore because there is nothing between us. We had a one night stand, one that should have never happened in the first place. I have a boyfriend and you are my roommate. That's it." Lily spoke with finality in her voice and turned away from James as she made to leave the room. 

But James wasn't about to let her go that easily. He quickly grabbed Lily's arm as she turned away from him and he heard her gasp. Without wasting a second he pressed his lips to hers, determined to prove to her that there _was_ something there, even if she was too stubborn to admit it. 

Lily struggled against him in his arms. Her mind shouted at her, reprimanded her for allowing this to happen but her body begged her to continue. Lust eventually fogged her mind long enough to for her to stop struggling in his arms and Lily felt James's lips form into a smirk against hers. 

James let her go, chuckling as he did. "Now what were you saying?" 

Lily frowned at him, disappointed in herself. "You are so arrogant." 

James overlooked the statement. "Do you really want to go back to the way things were before?" 

"It's not like there are any other options James. I have a boyfriend and the last time I checked being faithful was considered a pretty big deal." 

James considered her. He could tell she was going to dig in her heels no matter what he said. So he silenetly made a deal with himself. He wasn't going to tell her what she what was missing. He would _show_ her. 

He shrugged his shoulders and raised his hand, bringing it closer to her face, and quickly brushed his fingertips against her cheek, and before she could react, he gently pushed her out of his bedroom. 

Lily looked up at him in shock and he could only smile slightly at her reaction. "Fine, have it your way Lily." 

And with that he slammed the door shut, leaving Lily out in the hall once again, her hand mindlessly tracing the spot where James's finger had just caressed her skin, leaving a burning desire in their wake. 

..................................................................................................................................... 

Lily was in hell. Her own personal hell, a place where her mind and body fought constantly. And she could see no end in sight. 

It had been a week since the "incident" and instead of her memories of that night growing duller, it was as if her mind was revolting and Lily found herself having constant flashbacks of that night.  She tried to block them from her mind, and tried to redirect her thoughts to a safer place but her conscience seemed to attack her when she was most vulnerable. 

Lily didn't know how much longer she would be able to keep this secret. She had never been good at lying and wasn't sure how to act around Alex. She tried her best to act normal, but she was terrified he would notice something sooner than later. 

It didn't help that James seemed to be taking great pleasure in making sure Lily didn't forget their night. Everytime she turned around in her little apartment, he was always there, his knowing smile in place. He never said anything in front of Alex, but his constant smirks and "accidental" brushes against Lily were driving her crazy. James also appeared to have forgotten how to wear a shirt, for everytime Lily ran into him in the hall he was half dressed as though waiting for her to walk in on him. She always made a point to glare at him but James could see through her careful facade. He was waiting for the day when the two of them would be alone again, something Lily made sure never happened. 

Lily didn'y want to know what would happen if she was left alone with James again. Her mind had a vague idea but she always pushed the thought out of her head and tried to concentrate on Alex. Although she was finding that harder to do, now that she knew how much passion, or lack thereof, her and Alex were missing in their relationship. 

Early one morning, Lily stumbled into the kitchen, scrounging around for something to eat for breakfast. SHe finally decided cereal was her best bet, and was looking for milk in the refridgerator when she felt someone behind her. 

"Looking for this?" 

Lily's senses went into overdrive as she turned around to see James standing behind her, half dressed as usual, holding the carton of milk in his hand. James being much taller than she was, held it over head, out of reach, and his smile dared her to come closer. 

Lily wasn't in the mood to play his games. "Not anymore." 

James's smirk grew wider. "Really? You're going to eat your cereal dry? I can tell you from experience it's much better _wet_." 

Lily almost lost it right there. Her knees buckled as she backed up against the kitchen counter. "Why are you doing this to me? You could go out right now and have any girl on campus. Why do insist on torturing me?" 

James's smile faltered for a brief moment. "I don't want any girl on campus. I want you." 

Lily scoffed. "Well that's too bad. I'm already taken." 

James took a swift step closer to her. "We'll see about that." 

Lily was thankful that, for the moment, Alex was still asleep in their room. But the danger of almost being caught excited James as leaned towards Lily, pressing his body against hers, the milk still out of reach. 

That action almost broke Lily's resolve right then and there. The sensation of having his body pressed up against hers was extraordinary. Almost instantly her mind went back to that night, when no clothes had separated them and they had been free to explore each other. 

Fire danced in her veins as she mutely struggled to break free from his embrace. But  the harder she fought, the harder he held on. James could see the internal struggle in her beautiful green eyes and was sure she was about to break. He dipped his head lower and brushed his lips against hers and was satisfied to hear her whimper. 

It was only when Lily heard a noise from the other room that she brought back to her senses. Quickly she shoved James away as hard as she could. She could hear him quietly chuckling under his breath and she turned her head to glare at him. 

Lily's head was still spinning from the previous moment when Alex finally made his way to the kitchen. He smiled and gave Lily a brief kiss before sitting down at the table. Lily saw out the corner of her eye, James roll his eyes but instead of leaving the room he sat down at the table next to Alex. He grinned at her when Alex's head was behind the newspaper. James loved making her squirm Lily made a face and turned away from Alex in order to disguise the desire she was sure was written on her face. 

Alex finished reading the paper and looked up at Lily, who had her back turned to him. 

"Hey Lils...?" 

Lily took a deep breath and turned herself around. "Yeah." 

"I called my mom this morning and I just wanted to let you know that I'm not going to be here Friday night. My dad's coming home from the hospital and I told my mom I'd help her get him settled. I figured I'd spend the night there in case she needed me." 

 

Lily knew she couldn't be trusted alone, with James. She glanced at James, whose smirk had found its way back onto his face. Her mind worked frantically to avoid this. "Well, how about I come with you? I can help."

 

Alex smiled at her, unaware of course, of her true intentions. "That's sweet Lils, but it's going to be really boring and tedious. Besides, don't you have that huge English Lit project due on Friday. You can use the time alone to finish it."

 

Lily couldn't think of another comeback, so she shrugged her shoulders in defeat. She was about to say something else when James cut her off.

 

"If you need any help on the English project, I would be more than happy to help. I took that class last semester. Afterall, two minds are better than one."  James grinned widely at her, elated that he and Lily would finally be alone again.

 

 

Lily fought the urge to swear at him, knowing Alex would find it odd. 

 

"That's okay. I think I've got it under control."

 

 

James raised an eyebrow at her. "Do you?" And with that he stood up from the table and made his way to his bedroom.

 

 

Lily felt shaky as she finally sat down at the table looking at her bowl of forgotten cereal. Alex buried his head in the paper again and Lily sat there, her mind panicking.

 

 

She knew she couldn't avoid James all the day Friday, but the bigger question was, did she even want to?

 

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So what did you think? Please review. It makes me update faster, lol. :)  
  
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	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. 

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Friday came a little too quickly for Lily's liking. Time seemed to have slipped by when she wasn't looking and before she knew it, she was kissing Alex good bye as he struggled with his slightly overstuffed suitcase at the front door. 

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you Alex? At the very least I could be moral support." Lily gave him her biggest smile, hoping she could win him over in the last minute. 

Alex laughed quietly. "Wow, you'll do anything to get out of finishing that project won't you Lils? No, it's ok, I'll be fine. I'm going to go straight to the hospital from here and after that I'm just going to be helping my mom out. I'll be home before you know it." 

Lily sighed in disappointment. "If you're sure..." 

Alex leaned over and gave her a quick kiss. "I am. I'll have my phone on me if you need to reach me. I made sure to charge it this time." He checked his watched and tried picking up his bag again. "I've got to go now Lils. I told my mom I'd meet her at three. I love you" He gave her one more kiss and quickly closed the door behind him. 

Lily stared at the closed door for a minute, resisting the urge to run after Alex. She closed her eyes and rested her forehead against the door. 

"Alone at last I see." 

Lily felt a chill run down her body as her ears absorbed the familiar voice and she felt her stomach turn over. She steadied herself before turning around. 

James was behind her, he had actually watched the little good bye scene between the two of them, all the while suppressing the urge to laugh at Lily. She truly did not want to be left alone with him. 

But Lily had already thought ahead. Brushing past him, she picked up her English book and keys. "Not quite" she smirked at him, grateful she had the foresight to block his plans. 

And with that, she slammed the door in his scowling face. 

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"That sounds like a lot of trouble to go through all for one girl man." 

James, who was never one to like being alone, had left the apartment right after Lily. But instead of searching for her, he had went over to his best friend's place. 

Sirius Black always seemed to have the best advice when it came to girls and their maddening personalities. Both of them sat in front of tv, staring mindlessly at the basketball game being showcased. 

"It's not just any girl, Sirius, she's different." 

" _Every_ girl is different James, that's the beauty of DNA. No two girls are ever alike, unless of course they're twins. Then that's a different and better scenario." Sirius laughed his mind wandering back to a night in his freshman year. 

"Besides mate, this isn't just any random girl you're hooking up with. She's your roommate. What happens when her boyfriend finds out? Then not only will you not have a place to live, but you _still_ won't have the girl. Oh and if you get kicked out, you're not moving in here. I need my space." 

James frowned at his friend's train of thought. "So you think I should just leave her alone and pretend like nothing happened?" 

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know James. You're going to do what you're going to do. All I'm saying is be careful. I mean if all you're interested in is sex I know plenty of girls who would be more than happy to be at your service." 

James groaned at Sirius's suggestion. "No thanks. I've never seen the appeal of the fuck them and forget them girls." 

But Sirius, whose mind had wandered during the conversation, was already flipping through his phone contacts, looking for that night’s conquest. "What did you say James?" 

James rolled his eyes, and wondered if Lily was even going to come home that night. 

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It was no use. Even though she was sitting in the library, reading the most boring textbook she could get her hands on, her thoughts kept sliding back to her apartment and the man inside of it. She wondered what James was doing but immediately chided herself for being curious. 

After she finished her English project, Lily knew she couldn't put off going home for much longer. She thought briefly about renting a hotel room just to make sure she behaved but she knew she was acting ridiculous. She hoped maybe she could dart inside her room and lock the door without having any contact with James but since he seemed intent on being as close to her as possible, this seemed unlikely. 

She watched as the sky outside grew darker and students around her called it a night. Lily glanced at her watched and decided it was now or never. 

Ten minutes later she was facing the front door of her apartment, her heart thudding in her chest. She quietly turned the lock and put on a brave face, not knowing if she would crumble again. 

James was sitting on the sofa, reading a book when Lily entered. He heard her footsteps and glanced up briefly to acknowledge her presence. He knew she was nervous and was partially surprised she had even shown up. 

Lily took James's lack of interest as a good sign. She cautiously made her way into the living room, careful to stay a good distance from him so she wouldn't be able to look too closely into his eyes or smell his delicious cologne. 

James looked up again, noting the great deal of space Lily had left between them. 

"I don't bite you know. Well unless you want me to that is." James winked at her but saw a small frown playing on her lips as she rocked back and forth slightly on her heels. She looked like she was contemplating making a run for her bedroom. James sighed. 

"Relax Evans, it was a joke. You do know what those are right?" 

Something about his statement cajoled Lily into speaking. "Since when do you call me Evans?" 

James shrugged. "I don’t know, since now I guess. You always seemed to get all hot and bothered when I call you Lils. I wasn't aware that only your boyfriend was allowed to call you that." 

Lily took a defensive step toward him. "He's not. It's just something only people I'm close with call me." 

James studied her. He shifted from his place on the couch to take a better look at her. "And we're not close." 

Lily could feel heat starting to burn in her cheeks as her memory replayed a particular scene in her mind when she and James had been especially close. She shook her head. "Right." 

James made a nonchalant movement with his hands as though waving a flag in surrender. "Well that's that then." He gave Lily a noncommittal jerk with his head and went back to his book. After his talk with Sirius he started thinking that maybe it was a good idea just to leave Lily alone. After all she had made her position on the issue perfectly clear and James was tired of fighting a losing battle.   

Lily stood frozen on the floor. She was intrigued by James's lack of interest and wondered if this was another game he was playing with her. Even though she knew she shouldn't take the bait, she took another step closer to him. 

"What are you reading?" 

James didn't know what Lily was doing. One moment she claimed didn't want to be near him, and the minute he tried giving her what she wanted, she was inching closer to him. He could never understand women. James looked up at her, trying to read the situation and gave in. 

"Just an old pysch book. I'm thinking about taking another course and just wanted to look through the material. Right now I'm at the part where they discuss how men and women react to different situations. I thought it might provide me with some insight." James gave her a half smile, not knowing if she open to teasing yet. 

Lily gave him a small smile as she set her books down on the coffee table in front of James. She perched herself on the corner of the recliner, still reluctant to make any closer contact. 

"And did you learn anything?" 

James laughed. "Nah, I hate reading out of textbooks. I prefer hands on experience." James gave her another half smile along with his pun, but this time Lily could distinctly see a spark of desire in his hazel eyes. She looked away from him, attempting to slow her heartbeat. She bit her lip and tried folding her hands in her lap, trying to control them. 

James knew he was coming on a little too strong so he attempted to change the subject. "So you never told me if you had any siblings, do you?" 

Lily nodded. "Yeah, I have a sister. An older one. She just finished college last semester. Her name is Petunia. She's actually getting married next summer." Lily wrinkled her nose at her last statement. 

James laughed at Lily's expression. "I take it you don't like him?" 

"Not really. I mean, he's not awful or anything. His name is Vernon. He's just very self righteous and always concerned about money and social status. But I don't think it will matter much. I won't being seeing a lot of them in the future." 

"Why is that?" 

"My sister and I don't get along. Well, that's putting it mildly. Anyways, I just figure once we're past the point of being forced to stay in one room together, we will go our separate ways. I used to think we didn't get along because she was jealous of me, but to tell you the truth I'm not really sure what the reason is anymore." Lily frowned, a wave of sadness crashing over her as she thought about the sister who never wanted to be around her. 

James could feel the grief radiating off of Lily. He wanted to go to her, and comfort her but he knew that was strictly off limits. He scrambled to think of something to else say. 

 "So how long have you and Alex been dating?" James didn't know what made him ask that but he figured she might want to talk about her boyfriend. She always liked to bring him up any other time they were having a conversation. 

Lily looked back at James, shocked he would bring up Alex. "Since eleventh grade in high school, we both had chemistry together." Lily smiled briefly at the memory of meeting Alex for the first time back in high school. Those had been good times. Had being the operative word of course. 

James raised his eyebrows at her. "You guys have been together since high school? And you've never been with anyone else?" 

 Lily frowned at his disbelieving tone. "No, Alex has been my only boyfriend. We thought we were going to have to do the long distance thing but when we both got accepted at the same college it just seemed like it made sense to go together." 

James shook his head. "But college is about exploring your options. It's about meeting new people and making new friends." 

Lily shook her head slyly. "I think I've done enough exploring." Her eyes flickered to his face then to his chest, which was actually, and somewhat disappointingly, Lily thought, covered with a shirt. 

James followed her gaze but was cautious with his next words. He didn't want to scare Lily off. 

"But aren't you curious about what else is out there. I mean, for eighteen years you lived with your parents, and the second you get some freedom you move in with your high school sweetheart. Don't you want to know what it feel like to have some time for yourself?" 

Lily shrugged. "I don't know. I've thought about it. I guess I just like having someone to come home to at night. But I've heard this all before. My friends have teased me all the time about only having one boyfriend and going to college with my high school sweetheart. I never really gave it a second though until..." Lily cut herself off, afraid she had spoken too much. 

"Until what...?" James pressed her, knowing this was a rare moment for the both of them. Lily had never spoken so freely with James. Most of their conversations had been limited to whatever television show the both of them had been watching at the time. It was nice talking about real issues for a change.  

"Well you know until what." Lily rolled her eyes, seeking a way to move on from the topic. 

But James wanted her to speak it aloud and acknowledge what had happened. He was tired of pretending like he was covering up a dirty secret. What had transpired between them was not shameful and he wanted Lily to know that. It was true she had cheated on her boyfriend and that wasn't the greatest situation, but it wasn't the end of the world. 

 Lily knew he was trying to provoke her so she told him what he wanted to hear. "Until we slept together. Okay, are you happy now? I didn't know what I was missing until we had sex and realized how great it is to be with another guy." 

 Lily didn't know why she didn't stop talking. All she knew was that it was a relief to finally speak aloud all the feelings she had kept bottled up for so long. "And I know how that must sound but I can't help it and now I can't stop thinking about it. Every time I look at you just want to recreate that night. Every time I'm alone, even if it's for the smallest amount of time I think about that night and how amazing it was. And now I can't even sleep with Alex because I'm afraid I'll be so distracted that I'll accidently call him the wrong name or something, and how am I supposed to explain that? And I know he's starting to notice something is off I just wish none of this would have happened." 

James listened to her rant, he absorbed every word and was momentarily distracted by her beauty from her subsequent anger. "Is that what you really want Lily? To go out in the world and pretend like nothing happened? Obviously what you and Alex share isn't exactly the most passionate..." 

Lily snapped and stood from her place on the recliner. "Don't pretend like you know anything about our relationship." 

James stood up too, his pysch book clattering to the floor. He took a definitive step toward her. "It doesn't take a genius to figure out anything about your relationship with Alex. If you guys had been so rock solid like you pretend to be, you never would have slept with me in the first place. So what does that say about you?" 

Lily felt rage well up into her stomach at his insinuation. She raised her hand to slap him, wanting to hear the satisfactory sound she knew it would make, when he caught her hand in midair. 

James glared at her, his eyes glittering dangerously. "No, it's my turn to talk. You had your say." 

Lily eyes went wide as she tried to ignore the desire flooding her stomach as he held onto her hand tightly. 

"You think I enjoy watching you and Alex pretend to be all love dovey and kiss each other all over this apartment? It would be one thing if you two were actually in love. But I've seen the way you look at him Lily! I look at my best friend with more affection than you do with Alex. And it's not like you aren't capable of passion. I've seen it." Lily bit her lip as closed his eyes in anger. But James wasn't done yet. 

"I just think you're denying yourself of something amazing because you're so afraid something bad is going to happen. But with Alex everything is safe and you can pretend to go on loving him even though we both know it's a lie." 

Lily yanked her hand out of James's grasp. "I do love Alex." 

James shook his head. "But you're not _in love_ with him. And that's what counts." 

Lily's head was swimming as she tried to make sense of everything. Deep, deep down, a part of her knew James was right. Hell, she had even suspected as much when she with Alex back in high school. But he had been so kind and generous with her that she forgot that physical attraction played such a huge role. 

She didn't say anything but instead looked up into James's eyes. She saw a question there, one she wasn't sure how to answer. She wanted to rebuff his advances for the sake of her sanity but she wanted to feel alive again, just like she had felt during that night she spent with him. 

She wasn't in love with James, but he always managed to bring out the feisty side of her. The side that went missing whenever Alex appeared. James knew how to press her buttons and she loved it and she even had an inkling that if they ever did together as a couple they would be amazing together. 

But she wasn't ready to leave Alex. It wouldn't be fair to him, especially after all he had done for her. And when it came down to it, Lily wasn't ready to give up her sure thing with Alex for a risky bet with James. 

"I don't know what you want me to say James." 

"I don't want you to say anything." He ignored the warning in her eyes and pulled her body closer to him. He bent his head, desperate to taste her again and wanting to her cry of satisfaction.  To his amazement, Lily didn't struggle this time, but instead allowed James to softly touch his lips against hers. Instantly, Lily felt warmth flood her body as she clutched closer to James. 

James broke away from her lips and peppered her neck with soft kisses. She could him whisper in her ear. "This says it all." James kissed her ear, his lips curling into a smile. He had always known that actions spoke louder than words. 

Lily moaned softly, her hands threading into James's soft hair. She thought her knees would soon give out and James's sensed her weakness. They slid onto the floor, still embracing. But Lily was desperate to feel more, to touch more. The fire inside of her had been lit again and she didn't want to blow it out. 

Her mind flashed briefly to Alex's face and Lily felt a pang of regret. But all other thoughts flew out of her head as James reached up to touch her face, staring at her with an intensity she had never thought possible. His hand slid to the bottom of her blouse and Lily helped him slide it over her head. She reached up her own hands to pull up his shirt as well. His hands worked their magic as he caressed her body, his hand sliding lower to release some of the pressure she felt between her thighs. 

Together the two of them undressed each other, each one marveling at the others beauty. Neither one of them could put a name on what they were feeling.  Lily knew she would have to deal with the repercussions in the morning and that her and James would have to decide what to do next. But for now all she felt was pleasure as her and James became one. 

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Please review! I'd love to hear from you!


	4. Chapter 4

 

**Thanks for the reviews.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

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When the sun rose the next morning, James watched as the dawn rays illuminated the apartment. Next to him Lily slept peacefully. It had been a long night, as both them attempted to satiate their desire for one another. Both spent, they finally ended up in James's bed as the night drew to a close. 

As good as the night had been, it only confused James more. He didn't know where he and Lily officially stood but he refused to put himself in a bad mood. He wanted to enjoy the moment while it lasted. 

Although he hoped it lasted a long time. 

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Lily woke up calm and serene despite the circumstances she had put herself in. Her eyes darted to the clock next to her as she took in the time. 7:30. She still had a few hours to compose herself before Alex came home. 

She made to move away from James, still wondering when at what point they had ended up in his bed, when she felt him tug on her waist. She rolled over and was surprised to find James so alert this early in the morning. He smiled at her and she felt an overwhelming urge to kiss him. But she repressed it not wanting to stir up any more trouble. 

"Good morning." James leaned forward and kissed Lily on the forehead. She could feel her body flush, reacting to his touch. 

"Morning." Lily didn't know what to do next. But she figured getting out of his bed would be a step in the right direction. Her mind worked to think of something to say when he interrupted her thought process. 

"Do you want to go get some breakfast? I don't know about you, but I'm starving." James flashed her a quick smile, one that Lily found so sexy she couldn't resist. 

"Sure, sounds great." 

Half an hour later, Lily and James were at neighboring cafe, both lost in thought. Lily picked at her eggs, stealing glances at James who was determinedly staring into his cup of coffee. 

James hated the awkward silence between them. He looked up at Lily who wasn't as much eating as she was pushing her food around on her plate. When she lifted her head she caught James gazing at her. She smiled for a lack of something to say. How could she put into words what she was feeling? She had never been more conflicted in her life. 

James set down his cup and made a stab at conversation. "I've been wondering since I woke up this morning what was next, you know, between us. What are you going to say to Alex?" 

Lily studied him, trying to read his face. "Say to him about what?" 

James looked at her in disbelief. "About us obviously. I meant what are you going to tell him when you break up with him?" 

Lily felt a tiny bit of anger flare up inside of her. "Who said I was breaking up with Alex? I don't remember ever saying I was going to do that." 

Now James looked angry. "So when Alex comes home later today, you're going to pretend everything is all hunky dory? Did last night mean nothing to you?" 

Lily blushed. "Of course it meant something. But I never said I was going to leave Alex." 

"Well what did you think you were going to do Lily? Continue dating Alex while you fuck me behind his back?" James could feel his hands shaking in anger, his world crashing down around him. 

Lily flinched in her seat, not used to James being so volatile. "I don't know, I didn't exactly plan it out." 

James reached into his back pocket and took out his wallet. After throwing several dollar bills on the table, he stood up abruptly and Lily could almost feel the anger radiating off of him. 

"I'm going home. I've had enough of this game. I don't appreciate being used and I can't believe I was naive enough to think you would take a risk." 

Before Lily could stop him, James stormed out of the cafe, leaving her alone, and tears fell into the remainder of her uneaten breakfast. She knew he was right, and she knew she was coward. 

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Three days. It had been three days since James had last spoken to her since that awful encounter in the cafe. Alex had come later that day, finding a somewhat distraught Lily, who was attempting to blow off her sad demeanor as final exam nerves. 

James took as little notice of Lily as he could. It hurt to look at her and try as he might he couldn't stop thinking about her. He knew he had been harsh with her that morning over breakfast but he hadn't been able to stop himself. Every negative emotion he had stored up had just released itself in that moment. The rare times he did look at Lily, he could see she was downtrodden but he didn't dare hope it was because of him. 

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On the seventh day of silence, not that Lily was counting, she told herself, Alex came home from class looking especially pleased with himself. His good mood even lifted Lily's spirits slightly. Alex went over to Lily who was sitting on the sofa staring blankly at her laptop. 

"Do you feel like going out tonight Lils?" 

She didn't but she felt she owed it to Alex, given her moodiness lately. 

"That sounds fun. What were you thinking?" 

Alex smiled. "I was actually on my way home from class when I ran into James.” Lily heat started to race in her chest at the mention of her ex lover "He said something about going to this new restaurant with a new girlfriend and he thought it might be fun if we all went on a double date." 

Lily felt like a block of ice had been dropped into her stomach. Her mind struggled to comprehend everything she had just been told. James. A new girl. A double date. Her mind conjured up a dizzying array of horrific scenarios as she thought about having to sit across from James and act normal. 

But somewhere in her thought process one detail stuck out. _James_ had suggested the double date. Not Alex. Which meant what, that he wanted to torture Lily by parading around with a new girl? Lily weighed her options wondering if she had enough time to fake an illness, but when she glanced up at Alex, she could see the eagerness in his face and she felt herself cave. 

"Okay, Alex, what time are we meeting them?" 

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James hadn't planned on running into Alex that day. It had just been a happy accident when he ran into Lily's boyfriend on campus when he came up with the idea. It was a spur of the moment idea, one that could easily blow up in his face but he knew it would be worth the risk.

The fact that James didn't actually have a girlfriend didn't deter James one bit. He knew he could find someone willing to accompany him to dinner at the last minute. 

It just seemed like too good of an opportunity to pass up. This was his chance to provoke Lily. She never wanted to take any type of action when it came to him. But James knew that jealousy could be a powerful motivator and he was banking on it. 

Maybe just maybe, he could prove to her once and for all that she belonged with him. It had pained him not to talk to her this past week but he thought the distance might do them both some good. 

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Later that night, Lily was in her most stunning silver gown, anxious to get the night over with. While she was getting ready her mind went back and forth between Alex and James and she couldn't even decide who she dressed up for. 

She and Alex had arrived at the restaurant early and Lily was rocking back and forth in her chair ever so slightly. Ten minutes later, she caught sight of James walking in with a woman on his arm. She was tall, blonde, and apparently very wealthy, her handbag alone cost as much as Lily's entire outfit. 

 She was everything Lily was not. 

Lily wondered if James had brought a woman to dinner that was the exact opposite of her to prove a point but her mind went numb when James stood across from her, a shadow of his old smirk sliding onto his face. 

James helped his date into her seat, taking note of how stunning Lily looked that evening. But her face was set in stone and James knew she was attempting to block any emotion from showing on her face. His mind reminded him to introduce his date to the awaiting couple. 

"Alex, Lily, this is Simone ver Blanc, I'm so glad both of you could meet us for dinner tonight." He flashed a mocking grin in Lily's direction before turning his attention back to Simone. 

Simone ver Blanc smiled up at James. She and James had actually been biology partners a couple of semesters ago. Back then James had helped her pass that class and she was happy to return the favor now. She knew she was only there to make the girl in front of her jealous. James had explained the situation to her when he first asked her to dinner earlier in the day.  As Simone studied Lily, she could easily feel the tension between her and James and she knew it wouldn't take much for Lily to crack. 

Simone made a stab at conversation and was ready to get the ball rolling on James's plan. "I've been dying to try this place out for ages. I hear their food is simply amazing." As she said this, Simone made sure to place her hand on James's forearm, rubbing his upper arm gently and smiling appreciatively at James. 

Lily felt a strong urge to stomp on James’s foot under the table as she watched the beautiful woman across from her caress him. She had a sneaking suspicion that this woman was strictly here for her benefit. But Lily only had one thought in her mind. 

Fight fire with fire. 

Lily leaned closer to Alex, picking up his hand and interlocking his fingers with her. He smiled happily at her while she raised an eyebrow at James, whose eyes; she was pleased to see, flashed mutinously. 

"I hope the food is as good as you heard Simone. Of course, I've always been more interested in _dessert_." She gave a quiet chuckle as she squeezed Alex's hand tighter. James shifted angrily in his chair and took a deep breath to compose himself. He had not expected Lily to fight dirty. 

Simone could feel a battle brewing and chanced a sideways glance at James. She could see him chewing on the inside of his cheek and she wondered how long this would last. 

Lily felt quite pleased with herself. She was certain that this double date was a setup and she was relieved she had not succumbed. 

The two couples ordered their dinner and made polite conversation. Simone of course, was extremely charming and Lily at times found herself at a loss for words. But she felt it was better to stay quiet than to make a fool of herself. 

Once or twice Lily could have sworn she felt James's leg brush up against her, but the second she would look up to confirm it; he was resolutely staring at Simone as if she was the most fascinating creature on Earth. Lily could feel jealousy churning in her stomach and she knew she needed some air and bit of time to herself if she was going to survive the night. 

Lily turned to Alex, noting that he also seemed to be enraptured with Simone's latest enticing tale of her summer abroad in Brazil. She frowned slightly but steeled herself to make up an excuse to get away from the table. 

"Hey Alex, I'm just going to go grab my jacket from the car. I'm a little cold." Alex looked back at her, and made a move to get up from his seat. 

"I'll go get it sweetheart." But Lily shook her head vehemently, determined to put a temporary distance between her and James, who was also looking at her with a renewed interest. 

"No, that's okay Alex. I want to get some fresh air too. I'll be back in a minute. Can I have the car keys?" 

Alex sat back down and handed the keys to Lily, who felt a rush of relief. Avoiding James's eyes, she excused herself from the table and made her way out into the parking lot. 

Lily stood next to the car, and closed her eyes, desperate to erase the jealousy and desire that were mingling together in her stomach. She knew she couldn't stay outside that long and opened up the car door to retrieve her jacket. 

She was about to close the door when she felt someone behind her. Instantly Lily's body tensed up, ready to fight off the person who dared come up behind her. But when she whipped around, she felt as though her breath had been knocked out of her body. 

James towered over her, and even though it was dark, she could see him smiling.  “I thought I'd come check on you. It's not a good idea for women to be out in parking lots alone at night." 

Lily clutched her jacket to her body, her heart swelling at the sight of James. "You're speaking to me again?" She noted his friendly demeanor and wondered what was behind the shift in attitude. 

James chuckled and stuffed his hands inside his pants pockets. "Obviously. Anyways, are you ready to go back inside?" 

"Why are you out here?" 

"Well technically, I told Alex and Simone, I was going to the restroom but I don't think they heard me. They were very much absorbed in conversation when I left them." James had actually found it a little odd that Simone and Alex had managed to hit off so well, but then again his main concern was Lily. 

Lily rolled her eyes at James and mentally calculated the best way to move past him. "Well, I guess you should get back to your girlfriend then." She made an attempt to move past James but he blocked her path. 

"She isn't my girlfriend." 

"Well whatever she is, it's rude to abandon her halfway through dinner." 

James grinned at Lily's feeble attempt to get away from him. "She'll get over it." 

He bent down to kiss her but Lily in anger, stamped on his foot just like she longed to do earlier. James yelled out in pain as he hopped away from her 

"Jesus Christ, what was that for?" 

"Like you don't know? What the hell are you doing James? First you blow up in my face  because I don't break up with my boyfriend, then you ignore me for an entire week, only to suggest a double date with my boyfriend so you can parade some hot woman in my face. What are you doing?" Lily felt rage bubbling in her stomach and she yearned for an explanation. 

James opened up his mouth to give her one, when she shook her head at him. 

"Later, we have to get back or they'll start to notice we are missing." 

James couldn't argue that point and so they made their way separately back to the table, only to find Simone and Alex still deep in conversation. 

The rest of the dinner was excruciating with Lily trying to ignore the heated looks James was sending her whenever Alex's attention was pulled away. 

Lily held back her sigh of relief when the bills finally arrived at the table, eager to end this horrid night. 

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Later that night, after Lily made sure Alex was passed out from the night, she quietly knocked on James’s door. It flew open at once and James stepped aside, allowing her to come inside. 

Lily rounded on him instantly. "So do you mind telling what tonight was all about?" 

James shrugged. "I missed you." 

Lily felt a hollow laugh escape her lips. "And your way of showing me you miss me is by going out on a double date with me and Alex? You know, most guys just send flowers." 

James smirked. "You never seemed like the flowers type of girl. Which is ironic considering you’re named after a flower." 

Lily rolled her eyes and attempted to get back on topic.

"I just don't understand what you’re doing James. You've barely spoken two words to me these past couple of weeks. You made it clear you didn't want to do this, whatever this is, anymore. What changed?" 

James frowned. "I told you, I missed you. I know I overreacted that day in the cafe, but I was frustrated. I thought maybe if I ignored you for awhile, I could distance myself from you. But it seems like the more I try to stay away from you the more I want to be with you." 

Lily opened her mouth to argue; their situation was still the same, The man in the adjourning room was proof of that. 

But James cut her off. "I know nothing’s changed. But I can't help it. I can't stop thinking about you. That’s why I suggested that stupid double date tonight. I thought that maybe if you were jealous enough you would realize that you don’t belong with Alex. But I know it was stupid and I’m sorry.”

Lily felt herself instantly forgiving him. "So what are we going to do?" 

James didn't have an answer for her. "I don't know. I know we can’t keep sneaking behind Alex’s back. He is your boyfriend and I should have respected that. So I guess for now we try to act like adults and put this behind us. It was wrong of to assume you would break up with your boyfriend for me. I'm sorry." He knew if there was any chance they might end up together, he couldn’t force it. It would happen on its own.

Lily shook her head. "No, you're right. I shouldn't have led you on. And maybe one day we can even be friends. But do you really think we can put this behind us?" 

James laughed. "It's worth a shot. I'm kind of ready for things to go back to normal. So, truce?"  James extended his hand and Lily laughed at the gesture. She felt like things might finally be going the right way. 

"Truce." 

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In the weeks following their truce, Lily and James had kept true to their word and behaved. They tried to act cordial to one another and tried to stay out of each other’s presence as much as possible.  Lily thought once or twice maybe she and James could end up being friends. But it was too early to tell. For now Lily concentrated on her finals and pushed any thoughts about her roommate to the side.

When winter break mercifully rolled around, Lily grew excited at the prospect of relaxation, sleep and peace. 

What she didn't foresee was being hit with the flu the moment winter break started. 

When she had woken up on that slightly chilly morning, she felt as if her body had been run over by a truck. Every limb of her body ached and she felt a sick swooping sensation in her stomach. She had barely made it to the bathroom when Alex had followed her in, concerned. 

Lily hated for anyone to see her sick so she sent Alex out of the house to get some cold medicine. Lily groaned as she climbed back into bed. The last thing she needed was to be sick. But she knew the illness was temporary and that thought sustained Lily as she drifted into an uneasy sleep. 

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A week later, Lily knew something was wrong. She had never been this sick, this long. Lily had woken up every morning expecting to feel better, but instead felt more nauseous with each passing day. She was lying in bed again when Alex came in with her lunch, a look of worry etched into his features. 

"I think you should go to the doctor Lils. You've been sick for over a week." He sat down a tray of chicken noodle soup in front of her. The very sight of food made Lily queasy and she turned her head away from it. Lily brushed off Alex’s concern; he tended to worry too much. 

"I'm fine Alex. It's just the flu. Lots of people get it this time of the year." 

Alex hesitated, but didn't want to argue with Lily when she looked so weak. "Okay Lils. I just hope this goes away soon. You don't want to be sick on Christmas." Alex shook his head.  “I can't believe it's the twentieth already. Which reminds me." Alex checked his phone. "Will you be okay if I go out for a little bit Lils? I just have some last minute shopping to do." Alex grinned at her, and Lily feebly smiled back. 

"That's okay Alex. I'll try to take a nap or something." 

Alex smiled at Lily's brave front. He blew her a kiss from the doorway and closed the door behind him. 

Lily pushed the soup away from her and groaned when she felt another wave of nausea hit her. 

She turned over, desperate for a bit of sleep, when something interrupted her thought process. 

Alex had said it was the twentieth. Lily knew something about that date was off. She thought back to a day earlier in October and realized something was missing. 

Something very important was missing and the realization hit her like a ton of bricks. She didn't have the flu. But she couldn't be, could she? 

Lily jumped out of bed and searched for her phone. When she finally found it, she consulted her calendar and for a moment she couldn’t think. But she knew she couldn’t just sit there panicking. 

She needed to know once and for all.

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James loved the holidays. No school, no stress, and tons of joy. But James wished deep down, he could have spent it with Lily. He actually hadn't seen much of her in the past week; Alex had told him she had the flu.  

James had popped his head in her bedroom earlier that week and she did indeed look ill. But she had smiled at him and thanked him for visiting her. 

It was times like that James missed Lily more than ever. Just seeing her lying like that, so defenseless and weak, he had wanted nothing more than to comfort and take care of her.  But he behaved, knowing both of them had agreed to keep their distance. 

James was in his room, researching some possible scholarships for next year when he heard a gentle knock on his door. He opened it and was surprised to see Lily standing there. She looked a little better; her skin wasn't quite as pale but something in her eyes trouble him. 

"Can I come in?" Lily's voice shook as she tried to steady herself against the doorframe. 

"Of course." James hastened to move and made a place for her to sit on his bed. She sat but gave no indication she was about to start talking.  James waited but decided to break the ice. 

"So what's up?" 

Lily closed her eyes, not knowing where to start. "I went to the doctor today." After her realization she had decided to find out for sure. 

James nodded. "Yeah Alex told me you had the flu. That sucks." But James wondered why she felt the need to tell him about her medical issues. 

Lily felt tears starting to build. "I don't have the flu." She felt her tears spill onto her cheeks and she hurried to brush them away. 

James felt alarmed at the sight before him. He wanted to pull her into his arms but wasn't sure if that was allowed. 

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?" James's mind scrolled through all the possible and horrific ailments Lily could possibly have. 

Lily bit her lip and mustered up her courage to tell him the truth. "I'm pregnant."  
  
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**PLEASE REVIEW!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

  


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Thanks again to everyone who reviewed.  I loved reading all the feedback and I hope you enjoy this chapter.  Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

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The silence that filled the room was heavy with unsaid emotion. It almost felt surreal but the truth couldn't be ignored. It hung in the air and Lily waited for James to say something. 

Anything. 

But it seemed like for once in his life James was too paralyzed with shock to speak. He stared at Lily, watching her tears glide down her beautiful face. He didn't know what to say and was scared to say the wrong thing. But he knew he just couldn't sit here. 

"You're...you're pregnant?" James tried to ask without any emotion, because to be honest he didn't know what to feel.  Half of his mind was in panic mode at the thought of a baby. The cost, the stigma of having a baby with a woman who wasn't his girlfriend. But the other half was elated. He had always wanted kids and he knew Lily would make a great mother. But he said none of this while he waited for her to speak. 

Lily nodded. "Yes, I realized I was late today when I looked at my calendar, and I've been sick for the past week. The doctor just confirmed it." 

James hesitated because he wasn't sure how to ask the next question without being offense. "And you think it's mine?" He figured it was, he remembered Lily once telling him that she wasn't sleeping with Alex on a regular basis, but all the same, if there was the slightest chance it wasn't his, he had to know. 

Lily tried to not let the question sting her. She couldn't blame him entirely. She had started the affair with him while she still had a boyfriend. 

But ever since the first night with James, awhile ago, she had stopped responding to Alex's advances. She hadn't been with Alex in months, something she knew wasn't part of a normal relationship but Lily had long since given up analyzing their relationship. 

She took a deep breath. "Yes, it's yours. I haven't slept with Alex in a couple of months." 

James averted her gaze and looked down at the floor. He tried to make sense of the jumbled mess that was his thoughts. 

A baby. It was a huge step, a step even the most committed couples weren't even ready for. And he and Lily weren't in even a relationship.  

"So what do we do?" James watched as Lily stood up from his bed and turned away from him. 

"I'm not sure. This is all such a big mess. I just didn't think this would ever happen. I wanted kids, yeah, but later, when I was done with college and married." Lily tried to stop the flow of tears from erupting but found it was no use. They flowed freely and James went to her side, wrapping his arms around her. She buried her face in his shirt and he held her, waiting until she coherent enough to continue their conversation. 

Once she was calmed down, James led her back to the bed and sat her down. He didn't know what they were going to do next and where they would go from here but he knew one thing definitely had to be done. 

"We have to tell Alex." 

Lily's head snapped up at James's words. She knew he was right but she felt fear rise into her throat at the thought of telling Alex. 

"I can't tell him now. I don't know what to say." 

James took a deep breath and tried to steady himself. He knew Lily was scared  to tell Alex the truth but it just couldn't be avoided anymore. 

"I'll be there when you tell him. Or not. Whatever you want. But you can't avoid this forever Lily. I think it's going to be pretty obvious that something's going on in a couple of months." 

Lily nodded. "I know, I'll tell him. Just not tonight. Please." Her eyes begged him to go along with her and he felt himself agreeing with her. 

She didn't need to tell him tonight, especially when she herself had just found out tonight. 

But she would have to tell him, sooner rather than later. 

Lily broke free of James's grasp and looked up at him. "But how do you feel about this? It's pretty much the last thing either one of us expected. I mean, I don't expect you to drop everything for me but I guess I just want to know what you think."  She was terrified about his reaction. 

James nodded. "You're right it is the last thing we expected. But it happened and not to sound cliché, but maybe everything does happen for a reason. I mean just think about it..." James smiled at the pictures forming in his head. "Half of you and half of me, that kid is going to be pretty feisty. And he or she will win the genetic lottery with parents like us." James smiled wider as Lily gave a half chuckle and half sob as she buried her head in his shirt again. The scent of his cologne calmed her and gave her new courage to speak again. 

"So you want to keep it then?" She had been anxious that he would be less than understanding. After all, she had heard the stories from her friends who had gotten pregnant only to find the guy wanted nothing to do with them or the baby. 

James broke free from Lily's embrace and looked down into her eyes. "Of course I want to keep it. Why wouldn't I?" 

Lily gave a tiny sigh of relief. "I just wanted to make sure." 

James shook his head at her in disbelief. "I've never been surer of anything in my life. I know we aren't together technically but everything will turn out okay. Trust me." 

Any other fears Lily had were silenced when James bent down and kissed her with a passion so strong, she couldn't put a name to it. 

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Christmas had alway been Lily's favorite holiday. Ever since she was a little girl, she dreamt of the day when stores were decorated with red and green and caroling filled the streets. 

But this year there was a noticeable shift in Lily's demeanor. Alex had caught on right away that Lily was quiter this year, not as cheerful. But he didn't have any idea what had brought on this change. Lily was still sick every morning and on Christmas Eve, Alex confronted her. 

"Lily, I really think it's time to go the doctor." Lily had never told me she had previously went for fear he would start asking questions. 

"I'm fine Alex, I wish you would quit worrying." She and Alex were in the kitchen preparing some last minute dishes for the following day. Lily saw James look over at her from his place on the sofa, a slight frown etched on his face. 

Lily still hadn't gathered up the courage to tell Alex, and with each passing day, James grew more restless. He knew Lily would have to do this on her own, in her own time, but it was slowing eating away at him. All the secrecy and the lies were stating to weigh down his conscience and he just wanted everything to finally be out in the open. 

Lily shook her head slightly at James as if to say "Not now". She had gone over several scenarios in her head about the best time to tell Alex, and she had decided to tell him after Christmas. 

Lily saw no reason to ruin his holiday. 

When Lily and Alex finished making their preparations, Alex excused himself into their room, citing last minute gift wrapping as his reason. 

The moment Alex left the room, James was instantly at Lily's side, concerned for her. She looked like she might pass out. 

"Are you really okay Lily? You're kind of pale." He wrapped his arms around her briefly, inhaling her intoxicating scent. 

Lily allowed herself to snuggle against him for a brief moment before pulling away. "Yeah I'm okay. A little nauseous maybe, but that's probably because of all this food." She gestured the dishes lying around them. 

James nodded. "Probably." He paused, not wanting to fight with her at the moment but he felt it would be best to ask her again. 

"Have you decided when you're going to tell Alex?" 

Lily winced at the looming prospect. "I'm going to tell him after Christmas, I didn't want to spring this on him right before. Not that there's ever a good time to tell your boyfriend that not only have you been cheating on him these past couple of months, but you're pregnant too." Tears started to prick at her eyes. "He going to hate me." she whispered. 

James reached out to pull her into another hug. "No, he's not going to hate you, he's going to be really angry, furious even, but I don't think he could ever hate you. You're only human, you're allowed to make mistakes." 

Lily bit her lip. "This is a pretty big mistake." 

James shrugged in response. "Depends on how you look at it I guess. It doesn't feel like a mistake to me." He smiled at her, hoping to cheer her up. James saw the corner of her lips perk up. 

Lily gave a tiny sigh of relief. "I think I'm just going to finish cleaning up in here." Lily liked to keep herself distracted, it kept her mind off the inevitable. 

James backed off, sensing she needed her space. "Okay, I'll be in my room if you need me." 

As Lily watched James's retreating back, she thought to herself, "I need now more than ever." 

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Despite her fears of confronting Alex and the constant nausea that invaded her stomach, Lily awoke on Christmas feeling oddly content. She rolled over in bed and was surprised to see Alex was already gone. 

When Lily finally her way out into the living room, the scene that greeted her, surprised her immensely. Both James and Alex were sitting in the living room, both apparently watching a Christmas day parade on the television. Both men looked up at her when they heard her enter into the room. Lily gave James a quick questioning glance but he simply shrugged his shoulders at her. 

Alex got up from his place on the sofa and kissed Lily lightly. "Merry Christmas Lils. We were wondering when you were going to get up. You don't usually sleep this late. Especially on Christmas." Alex gave her a quick wink, and led her over to the sofa. Out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw James stiffen but he remained silent. 

Once Lily was seated, Alex handed her a gift. It was addressed from him and Lily was slightly hesitant to open it. But she put on a small smile and slowly undid the wrappings. 

Inside was a pair of earrings Lily had had her eyes on for a couple of weeks. She smiled at his thoughtfulness, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. 

"Thank you Alex, they're lovely." She handed him his gift, a pair of concert tickets she had bought weeks earlier to one of his favorite bands. She felt a pang of guilt when she realized Alex would have no one to go with. 

Alex was ecstatic about the tickets, smiling happily at her. 

James watched the gift exchange between the two of them and wondered if Lily would object to him giving her a gift now. 

James got up from his place on the sofa and went over to Lily who was sitting quietly next to Alex. "I saw this the other day and I thought you might like it." Lily's eyes went wide as James handed her a small box covered with emerald green wrapping. James ignored the question in her eyes and waited for her to unwrap it. 

Lily glanced sideways at Alex who thought nothing of James giving Lily a gift. 

With her hands slightly shaking, Lily lifted the lid of the box and took out the object inside. It was a gold bracelet with a bright stone in the middle. But on the other side there were blank spots were it looked like other stones should have been. Lily looked up questioningly at James, who gave her a slight smile. 

"The stone in the middle is your birthstone." Lily nodded as the realization hit her.  "The spaces on the sides are for other birthstones for when you have children. You can put their birthstones next to yours." James trailed off, watching as Lily's eyes filled with tears. But unbeknownst to him they were happy tears. Lily tried to formulate a sentence in her mind but she was too overcome with emotion to say anything. She did, however, to get out a thank you. 

"It's beautiful James, thank you so much." She wanted to say more, but not with Alex sitting right next to her, smiling obliviously. Lily slipped the bracelet onto her wrist and found it fit perfectly. 

At that moment, Lily heard  of Alex's phone go off in their bedroom and Alex went to answer it. Lily was still staring at the bracelet on her arms, her heart a mix of emotions. James watched her for a moment before sitting next to her. 

"You never told me whether or not you want me to be there when you tell Alex." James watched Lily's face for an answer but she continued gazing at the bracelet, her fingers tracing over the birthstone and the spots next to it. She looked up when she realized James was staring at her. 

Lily shook her head. "No, I've got to do this myself. I got myself into this situation and now I've got to get myself out." 

James disagreed. "You didn't do it by yourself. I was a big part of it." 

"True, but telling Alex is my responsibility and I just want to tell him myself without any distractions around." 

James lips curled up into a reluctant smile. "So now I'm a distraction?" 

Lily laughed softly. "Yes you are. You have been since the day you moved in." 

James still wasn't ready to give in. "Are you sure Lily? I don't care to be there when you tell him. I think I should take some responsibility too." 

Lily looked at him sadly. "No, it's okay James. Really. This is something I have to do on my own." 

James opened his mouth to argue his point some more when Alex stepped back into the room. 

"Who was that Alex?" Lily asked, wanting to change the tense atmosphere in the room. Alex sat back down on the sofa next to Lily, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. 

"It was just my mom, wishing me a Merry Christmas. She and Dad are visiting my sister's family this year." 

Lily nodded absentmindedly, wondering when the best time to tell the Alex the truth would be when suddenly James stood up from his place on the sofa. 

"Well I'm going to go visit a couple of my friends and see what they are up too. If I know them, probably nothing." James gave a light laugh before turning to Lily briefly giving her a knowing look. 

Lily felt her stomach twist in knots, knowing James was giving her some alone time with Alex and she wondered if she was brave enough to face him. 

A couple of minutes later, Lily saw James head towards the door. He stopped by her quickly and under the pretense of a hug whispered in her ear. "I'll be at the cafe." And with that James strode away from her and slammed the door behind him.  It took everything Lily had not to run out after him. With a heavy heart, she headed back into the living room, ready to face her deamons. Alex was waiting for her on the sofa.

Lily felt her heart race when Alex put his arms around her, as they both sat on the sofa. She knew it was now or never and as broke free from Alex's embrace, she braced herself for the worst. 

"Alex, we need to talk." 

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James really wasn't in the mood to visit his friends. Instead he sat at the cafe he and Lily had once dined in and sat there letting his coffee grow cold. His stomach insisted on doing flip flops while he waited anxiously to return home. He would have liked to have been there for Lily while she told Alex, but he respected her decision. 

He thought of the future and of the baby he and Lily would raise. He wondered briefly who it would look like, if it would be a he or she, and if they would have their mother's temper. James chuckled at the thought and found himself only really wanting one thing. 

For the baby to have Lily's eyes. Those were the eyes he had been taken with since the very beginning. 

James looked down at his watch. He had only been gone fifteen minutes but it already felt like an eternity as he sat there. 

All in all, this was definitely one of his more unconventional Christmas's. 

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"You _slept_ with him?" Alex had never felt more enraged in his entire life. Little by little he felt as if his was breaking into a million pieces. The woman he had loved so desperately for the past three years was sitting before him now, sobbing, telling him of her infidelity. 

"I know what I did was wrong Alex. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." Lily knew her tears were muffling her apology but she couldn't stop the tears once they had started. 

Alex buried his head into his hands trying to make sense of it. But he felt his own tears well up and he brushed them away impatiently. More than anything he wanted answers. Maybe that would make him feel better. Alex stood from the sofa and started pacing the living room, composing questions in his head, 

"When was the first time?" Alex could feel the anger building in his chest, and as he looked down at the young woman below him, he felt his compassion vanish. He wanted her to hurt just as bad as he was feeling in that moment. 

Lily looked up at him. "Please don't do this Alex. The details don't matter." 

Alex stopped in his tracks and glared at her. "They do to me. When was the first time?" 

Lily winced, knowing her answer would bring him more pain. "On my birthday." 

Alex let the information sink in before he spoke."On your birthday? So let me get this straight, I'm sitting in the emergency room with my terrified mother and you're at home getting into bed with James the second I'm gone? I thought you had more pride than that Lily." Alex shook his head in disgust. 

Lily felt her defenses go up. "I didn't know you were at the hospital. You didn't call me and-" 

"I couldn't call you Lily! My fucking phone was dead. And even if that was the case, and you slept with James that one time, that would be one thing. But what's your excuse for all the other times I was gone? You knew where I was then. Did you two have a nice laugh behind my back?”

Lily shook her head feeling thoroughly disgusted with herself. "I know what I did was wrong. I'm not trying to deny it. I just thought I should tell you the truth now." 

Alex rubbed his head, feeling a headache coming on. "Well that makes for one lousy Christmas gift Lily. Merry Christmas, and oh by the way, I had an affair with our roommate and destroyed three years of a wonderful relationship." Alex felt more tears well up in his eyes and found he couldn't be around Lily at that moment. 

Lily stood frozen in her spot on the spot, unsure of what to do. She didn't know what to say. She was about to stand when Alex turned back to her, his eyes blazing with a fiery anger Lily had never before witnessed. 

"Get out." Alex felt like he was reaching a breaking point and he couldn't bear to be in the same room with Lily anymore. 

"Alex, I know you're upset but listen I-" 

But Alex didn't want to hear anymore lies or excuses. He needed for her to leave. "I said get out. I can't look at you right now." 

When Lily made no attempt to get off the sofa, Alex strode over to her, placing his hand on her upper arm and pulling her up with strength Lily had never known. 

"Leave now." Alex gave her a slight shove towards the door, throwing her jacket after her. Lily stumbled out of the front door, too shocked for words and turned around briefly to see Alex slam the door in her face, 

Lily stood there, a fresh batch of tears pouring down her cheeks. She reached into her pocket to call James when she realized her phone was still in the apartment. All she had as fished around in her pocket were her car keys. She stared at the keys for a moment before deciding to go to cafe around the corner. 

Lily sat in her car for a minute while she attempted to calm herself down. She realized that she had never even told Alex she was pregnant. But, she thought to herself that might have been for the best. Alex seemed too traumatized for the moment by her confession of infidelity.  Lily couldn’t even imagine what he would have said if she had told him she was pregnant.

Lily was lost in thought as she attempted to navigate on the icy roads on her way to the cafe. Her eyes became half blinded with tears as her thoughts swirled around Alex and James and she crossed the intersection while sobbing. 

Her vision was so obscured she never even seen the truck barreling down the adjacent street. A moment too late, Lily saw the truck spinning out of control and she attempted to maneuver out the way, but the driver of the truck lost complete control slamming straight into Lily's side door.

Lily felt her car roll onto its side and her hand flew to her stomach as one thought occupied her mind. “My baby.”

 

And the next thing Lily knew was darkness.

 

 

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I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I do have the story mapped out in my head and I can't wait to share it with you  
  
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	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

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Everything was white.

The sterile surroundings greeted Lily when she finally woke up. She didn't know where she was or how she had gotten there. The only thing her mind could comprehend at the moment was the excruciating pain she felt emanating from all over her body Her head throbbed as she tried to connect the pieces in her mind. Slowly she opened her eyes more and seen she was in a bed with tubes hanging around her in all different directions. Opening her eyes wider she made the connection that she must be in the hospital.

She tried to sit up but found her back screaming in agony. Her entire body protested and she gave up instead, falling back into the flat pillows behind her. Lily tried desperately to recall the events leading up to her arrival here. She remember being so happy earlier in the day when James had given her the gold bracelet with the birthstone. But with a sick feeling in her stomach she thougth of the last conversation with Alex after she had told him the truth. Her mind wandered to what happened next.

All of it came back with a sickening rush as she recalled the frozen roads, her tears blinding her view, and the resounding crunch the out of control truck had made against her side door. 

Lily jumped slightly when she heard her door creak open and in walked a distinguished looking gentleman. Lily took in his appearance and quickly guessed he was a doctor. He wore a gentle smile and carried with him a chart. He seemed surprised that Lily was awake and quickly made a note on his papers. 

He moved slowly towards her, not wanting to upset the young woman. She had already been through enough tragedy that night.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Colby. You're in MetroWest Hospital. You were brought in from the scene of a car crash We found your wallet at the accident and we were able to get some of your information off of your license. Your name is Lily Evans, correct?" Lily nodded mutely. The doctor made another note. "Good. How are you feeling?" As he said this, he carefully examined Lily, taking note of her eyes and heart rate.

Lily gave a noncommital jerk of her head, It was the only part of her body that didn't hurt. "I've been better. A lot better actually. But that doesn't matter now, how is my baby? Is the baby okay?" Her hand went knowingly to her stomach and her heart gave a flutter as she watched the doctor carefully compose his face.

"When you were brought in Ms. Evans you were losing a lot of blood. Our main goal was to stabilize you or you were going to die. By the time we could stop hemorraging, I'm afraid it was too late for your baby. I'm very sorry for your loss." Dr. Colby paused as he let the news sink in. It was the worst part of his job and as he looked down at the heartbroken woman below him he felt his own heart break a little for her.

Gone. The baby was gone. She had only known of its existence for a few days but she had already come to feel protective of it and start to love it. This couldn't be true.

The doctor knew this was a terrible loss for her but he tried to console her a bit. "After your body heals from the wreck you'll be able to have more children if you wish. I know that this brings you little comfort right now but I thought you should know." 

Lily wiped the tears from her eyes, attempting to stop their flow.

Dr. Colby stood there for a moment before remembering a question he needed to ask her.

"Is there anyone we can call for you?" Lily closed her eyes and bit her lip. She nodded, knowing she needed to see one person more that anything right now.

"Yes, there is."

.................................................................................................................................

James had had enough. After waiting at the cafe for over an hour, he decided to go home. Surely Lily must have told Alex by now and he wanted to know what had happened.

But when he got home, Lily was nowhere to be found. All the lights in the apartment were turned off and James could only see a sliver of light streaming in from under Alex's and Lily's bedroom.

Frowning, James knocked on the door, unsure of what he would find. A second later the door flew open and Alex appeared, his breathing uneven and his eyes red. When Alex registered who was outside his door his fist clenched angrily, longing to strike the man in front of him, the man who had stolen his girlfriend.

Noticing this, James took a slight step backwards, but otherwise stood his ground. "Do you know where Lily is?"

Alex's eyes flashed dangerously. "You have the nerve to stand there and ask me where Lily is after what you've done?"

So Lily had finally told the truth. Somewhere in the back of James's mind he felt a sense of relief, but still remained on alert. He could see Alex gearing up for a fight. 

"Look Alex, I don't want to fight about this right now. I just want to find Lily. She hasn't called me and I-"

James never got to finish his sentence for at the same moment, Alex's fist collided with the side of his face. As he stumbled he realized it was stupid of him not to think Alex would try to get physical. In Alex's mind James had all but taken Lily from him.

James's hand reactively went to the side of his face, but he tried desperately to keep his cool. "Okay, I know I deserved that, and you know what I might let you get another cheap shot at me later, but I really need to find Lily. She was supposed to call me."

Alex's face was rigid with disgust as he observed the man before him. "I don't know where that whore is. If I'm lucky she won't come back. Oh and-" Alex picked up Lily's phone from the counter. "This is probably why she isn't calling you. I didn't give her much time to grab her stuff when I threw her out."

For the first time since arriving, James felt a flash of anger. "You threw her out? Are you fucking kidding me? It's forty freaking degrees out there and you throw a pregnant woman out in the streets?" James felt the urge to punch the sneering man's face but the urge to find Lily was stronger. He knew she must be terrified. James internally cursed himself for not being there with her when she told Alex the truth.

James made to turn away from Alex when he felt the man's hand upon his shoulder. James shook it off angrily and was startled to see a blank look on Alex's face.

"Lily's pregnant?" It was clear from his expression that he had not known this fact. James felt a pang of guilt for revealing the secret but pushed the feeling from his mind.

"Yes, Lily's pregnant. She found out a few days ago. That's why she's been so sick lately. And what do you do? You throw her out in the streets like a piece of garbage."

Alex opened up his mouth to retort but suddenly James phone rang in his pocket. Thinking it might be Lily, he glanced at the caller ID and found it was unfamiliar number. Nonetheless he answered it. It provided distraction from the aggravating sight before him.

"Hello?"

A pleasant female voice answered it. "Hello is this James Potter?"

Slightly perturbed James answered her. "Yes, it is. Who is this?"

"This is Nurse Gail Jones from MetroWest Hospital. I'm calling on behalf of a Miss Lily Evans who was admitted this evening following a car crash. She requested that we contact you."

James felt his his stomach plunge, his thoughts going first to Lily then to the baby. "Is she okay?"

"Ms. Evans is in stable condition, but you are free to visit her now to see for yourself."

"I'll be right there." And with that James snapped his phone shut, his heart beating a thousand miles a minute, his mind cluttered with frantic thoughts.

Again James made to leave when Alex interrupted him. "Who was that on the phone?"

James turned around, furious, and his fist clenched. "That was the hospital. Apparently after you threw Lily out she got into a car accident."

Alex's face went white He struggled to form a thought. "Oh my god, is she okay?"

James laughed bitterly. "Why do you care? I think she is, but I'm not really sure. I'm going to go see her. I hope to god that she and the baby are alright. Because if they're not you are going to be even sorrier than you already are."

And with that, James strode away from Alex, slamming the door in his repulsive face.

.....................................................................................................................

When James finally reached the hospital, he felt as if his heart would burst from his chest. He tried frantically to calm himself, but every second his mind would betray him and jump to the worst case scenario. 

By the time James entered Lily's room, he was a mess but he masked his fears when he saw her face.

It was a frightening sight. All around Lily, monitors beeped and tubes hung every which way. But Lily herself, appeared to be sleeping. Her dark red hair hung over shoulder like a curtain. James could see scrathes all along her arms and bruises starting to form on her face. He quietly sat down in the chair next to her and watched as her eyes fluttered open in response. He gave her a weak smile and brushed his hand against her forehead. She smiled briefly when she realized she had company.

"You're here." Lily felt weak but tried to muster up some energy to break the news to him.

James nodded. "Of course I'm here. What happened Lily? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?"

Lily closed her eyes briefly, fear rising up inside her throat. "After you left, I told Alex the truth. Or most of it anyways. I never got to tell him I was pregnant. But that was mostly because after I told him about the affair he blew up at me. I've never seen him get so upset. Anyways, he threw me out after that, he claimed he couldn't be in the same room with me." Lily's voice trailed off as tears welled up again.

James listened intently, determined to figure out how everything had gone so wrong. "What happened after you left?"

Lily took a deep breath. "I found my car keys in my jacket and I knew you were going to be at the cafe. While I was driving there, I was still crying and I couldn't see completely and a truck lost control across the street and slammed into me. I couldn't get out the way in time." Lily found she couldn't talk anymore; she was too overcome with emotion.

She felt James's arms aournd her and she hugged back as best she could given the circumstances, "I woke up a little while later and the doctor came in." She paused, not knowing how to word the next statement. "I'm so sorry James but he said I lost the baby." Tears stopped her from talking again and she couldn't look at James, afraid of his reaction.

James felt his heart momentairly stop and his mouth went dry His mind scrambled to comprehend it all, all the while trying to think of something consoling to say. "It's not your fault Lily. It was an accident."  James's insides burned as he thought of Alex and how his actions had cost him everything.

Lily shook her head. "It is my fault. All of it. None of this would have ever happened if I just stayed with Alex."

James shook his head. "But it did happen Lily. And can you honestly say you would be happier if you were with Alex?" James looked at her in disbelief. "I hate what happened and what he did to you but at least you saw what was out there in the world instead playing house with him all the time."

Lily drew a shaky breath. So much had happened in such a small time and she could barely process any of it. "Does Alex know I'm in the hospital?"

James grimaced. "Yes, he was with me when I answered the phone from the nurse. It was right after he had told me he threw you out. But I didn't know you hadn't told him you were pregnant. I accidently let that slip out when I was yelling at him for being such a bastard."

Lily bit her lip. "I guess it doesn't matter now." She felt like part of her was missing and she didn't know if she would ever feel whole again.

They sat together in silence fow a long time, holding each others hands, each lost in thought. After a while James spoke. He had been thinking about their living arrangement and he didn't think it would be wise for it to stay the same.

"We need to move out."

Lily glanced up at him and found herself agreeing. "Yes, I don't think it can or will ever be the same anymore."

James was pleased she had agreed so easily. "After the holidays we can look for a place and-" James trailed off at the sight of Lily shaking her head furiously at him.

"No James, there is no "we" I have to find something on my own."

James frowned. "But Lily I think that-"

"You asked me a while ago James if I ever wondered about living on my own and if I wanted to. And it's true. I did go straight from my parents house to Alex's apartment and as a result I never got to live on my own and figure out who I am. By myself."

James felt his heart sink as he listened to Lily. "But where does that leave us? I know we are far from the definition of a traditional couple but I think that we could make it work for real if we give it a chance." James had already lost one person that night, he couldn't bear to think about losing another. 

Lily studied James's face. "Maybe we could. But I need to time to process everything. This isn't something that is going to be better over night. I need some time to comprehend it all. We didn't get together in the best circumstances and I don't want to continue under the current ones. I need time to heal and I don't want you to feel obligated to stay with me because I lost the baby." 

James squeezed Lily's hand tightly in his. "I would never feel obligated to stay with you for any reason. And you're right it's going to take time for both of us to heal from this situation but I don't want you to feel alone. I-" James paused, knowing that even though this wasn't the most romantic or opportune moment, he still wanted to tell her how he felt. 

"I love you Lily." 

Lily stared at James as she took in his words. She wanted badly to reciporcate and tell him she felt the same way about him but for her it wasn't the right time. She felt tears threatening to fall again as she forced herself to speak. 

"I think you should leave James." 

James looked back at her, hardly believing the words she had just spoken. "You want me to leave?" 

Deep down she didn't want him to but she knew if they were meant to be together they would find their way back to each other on their own time after they had both grieved and left their living situation. 

"Yes, I'm sorry. I really am. I just think we need to apart for awhile." 

James could see her distancing herself from him both mentally and physically as she pulled her hand from his. He knew she was pulling away to protect herself but he wasn't going to give up just yet. 

James stood up and bent down giving her a quick kiss on her forehead. "I'll wait for you. Always." Lily closed her eyes again, knowing it was better if she couldn't see him. 

When she heard the door close behind him she rolled over onto her side, quietly sobbing into her pillow, mourning both her baby and the man she had just pushed away. 

.................................................................................................................................. 

Okay, so I know this might not be everyone's favorite chapter but I just want to explain it really quick. When I wrote this I never intended for Lily to keep this baby because I didn't want it to seem like her and James were only together because she got pregnant. Instead this tragedy happened and now they will grow up a bit, grieve, and obviously find their way back to each other on their own terms. Since the next chapter will be the last you can be sure it will be a happy one and I will do my best to make sure it lives up to your expectations . 

 


	7. Chapter 7

| 

This is the last chapter of Playing With Fire! Enjoy

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A few days after being admitted Lily was feeling restless. She hated hospitals and everything that went with them. After several nights of no sleep, bad food, and endless examinations, she was at her wits ends and she longed to break free of the sterile environment,  
   
Lucky for her, the doctor had finally granted his permission for her to leave but not before a couple of more tests just to make sure everything was all right. So Lily sat somewhat impatiently in her bed, awaiting the results watching the clock drag it's hands slowly. Her fingers absentmindedly traced over the gold bracelet with the missing birthstones and Lily still felt her own missing piece of her inside of her body. Her mind drifted slowly to forbidden territory.  
   
James had not been back to see her after his initial visit but the huge bouquet of lilies that sat on the neighboring nightstand next to her served as a reminder of his presence. The flowers' sweet scent drifted over to her while she sat in the bed and with each deep breath she took she was transported back to a time when everything had been much simpler. The card had read "Thinking of you and hope you are feeling better. Love, James." Lily had cried for almost an hour after reading it but reminded herself that she needed to pull herself together if she ever expected to survive.  
   
She missed James, but she knew she was right to distance herself from for the time being. Her heart remained heavy from the loss of the baby and she wasn't ready to open up yet. The wounds were still too fresh.  
   
Lily glanced up at the oval clock above her head and wondered what was taking so long for her test results. She was desperate to escape her personal white prison. Lily closed her eyes dreaming of a vacation when she heard the door finally open.  
   
Thinking it was her doctor back with her long awaited test results, Lily opened her eyes but was shocked to see someone else standing before her.  
   
Alex.  
   
He looked incredibly nervous as he stood there, twisting his hands together. Lily could see red in his eyes and wondered if he had been crying. She would have felt more sympathy for him if he hadn't been the main reason that she was sitting in the bed in front of him.  
   
She could see the question in his eyes, and she stared back at him, determined not to speak first.  
   
After what seemed like an enternity, Alex finally worked up the nerve to say something. "Oh my god Lily, I'm so sorry. I can't believe this happened. How are you?" His voice cracked slightly and Lily could see water building in his eyes.  
   
Lily paused but decided to be honest with him. "I'm okay, at least physically. But I lost the baby." Even as she spoke the words aloud, her heart swelled and she felt her stomach drop. A few days later had done nothing to numb the pain she still felt when she thought of the baby that would never be.  
   
Alex sat hesitantly on the edge of Lily's bed. "I didn't know. I'm sorry. This is all my fault" He didn't want to run the risk of upsetting her more by talking too much so he quickly shut up and arranged his face into what he hoped was a truly sincere expression.  
   
Lily found she couldn't look Alex fully in the eyes. She was still partially ashamed of what had transpired between them. "You can't take all the blame Alex. It's true, you threw me out, but you didn't make me drive a car when I was too upset. Or make me cheat on you. I'm a big girl, I can take some responsibility."  
   
Alex pulled on a stray thread on Lily's blanket while he thought of something to say. He thought for a minute before deciding on a question that had plaguing him for the past couple of days.  
   
"Did I do something wrong Lily? Because I thought we were fine, better than fine actually, but now I don't know what to think anymore. I guess I just don't understand what happened between us."  
   
Lily sighed. She really wasn't in the mood to get involved in such a heavy conversation at the moment but she knew sooner or later she would have to face her demons.   
   
"You didn't do anything wrong Alex. Not as far as relationship stuff goes. I just think we both grew up some and drifted apart. I mean, we've been together since high school and we never really explored our other options. I'm not trying to justify my behavior, because believe me I know what I did was wrong, but I guess I'm just trying to tell you how I see it."  
   
Alex stared at her, trying to let it all sink in. "So do you think we could try again? I mean maybe we could go to counseling and try to figure out what went wrong and how we could grow stronger from it."   
   
Lily smiled sadly at Alex as she observed the hopefulness in his eyes. "I'm sorry Alex but if I've learned anything from this experience it's that I'm not ready to be with anyone right now. I need some time on my own to figure everything out. And even after that, I just think we are too broken to fix and I don't want to go through something like this again. I love you Alex, I do, I'm just not in love with you. And you deserve someone who's going to give themselves completely to you and I just can't do that." Lily finished kindly, afraid to bruise his ego but Alex appeared thoughtful. He glanced over at the arrangement of lilies and looked back at his now ex-girlfriend.  
   
"I understand Lily. But what are we going to do about the apartment?"  
   
Lily bit her lip. "After the New Years, I'm going to move out. I've been looking for a new place the past couple of days and I think I might have some good leads."  
   
Alex nodded. "Well if you need any help..." He trailed off, not knowing how to finish his thought.  
   
Lily gave him a brief smile. "I know where to find you."   
   
Alex gave her a wide grin reminiscent of their early days of dating. He leaned over giving her a tight hug and pulled away quickly. "I hope everything works out for you the way you want."   
   
Alex pulled away and made he made his way back towards the door, glancing over his shoulder as he walked.  
   
Lily watched him walk away, knowing a piece of her past and memories were going with him. But instead of feeling guilty or ashamed, she felt a bit at peace.  
   
And that was when she knew she was on her way to healing.  
  
---  
   
.........................................................................................................................................  
   
James had always hated packing. He didn't know how it had happened, but in the short amount of time he spent living at the apartment, most of his possessions were scattered everywhere. Now he was left with the time consuming task of trying to put it all back together. The only good thing that could be said about it, was that it kept his mind off Lily.  
   
For the most part anyways.  
   
As he dug through a pile of clothes he tried his best to not let his mind wander to the hospital room where he knew Lily was. He wondered if she had liked the flowers he sent her or if maybe somehow he might have offended her. It was killing him not to see her but James knew he had to give Lily some space.  
   
Deciding he deserved a mini break, James threw down a pair of socks and stretched out onto his now bare bed. He was moving out first thing in the morning and wanted to leave as quckly as possible.  
   
James closed his eyes and was contemplating a nap when he heard a knock on his bedroom door. Sighing, he went to answer it, wondering if it was Alex coming to threaten him to leave early.   
   
But when James opened his door, he found a much better sight in front of him. Lily, who looked like she had seen better days, stood there, her eyes a bit glassy but otherwise clear. She bit her lip at the sight of him and moved a step closer.  
   
James mirrored her. "How are you feeling?"  
   
Lily shrugged. "I'm okay. I'll be better in a few weeks." Silence fell between them as they both thought back to their loss. Lily, anxious to keep the conversation flowing, switched topics.  
   
"Alex told me you were leaving tomorrow."  She looked sad but determined and James knew better than to plead with her again about finding a place together.  
   
He nodded. "Yeah, in the morning. Why, did you want me to leave earlier or something?"  
   
Lily looked ataken back. "No of course not. I just wanted to say good bye before you left, oh, and to give you this." She held out her hand to him and he looked down at her palm.  
   
It was the gold birthstone bracelet he had given her at Christmas.  
   
"I just thought it wasn't right to keep it anymore, you know, given the circumstances." Lily trailed off as she felt the corners of her eyes prick.  
   
James frowned and pushed her hand back towards her. "No, you keep it. It was a present and I want you to have it."  
   
Lily nodded shakily and slipped the bracelet back into her pocket. She held her breath as James continued to stare at her intensely.  
   
Suddenly James remembered something he needed to do. "Actually if you don't mind, there's something I wanted to give to you."  
   
"Oh no James don't-" Lily started to protest when James cut her off.  
   
"Relax Lily. It's nothing big." He turned away from her and went on a search in his room. "Here it is." He thrust a piece of paper into her hands and Lily looked down.  
   
"It's my new address and phone number. I'm staying with a friend of mine. Anyways, I just thought you might like to have it in case you ever wanted to call me or something." James finished his thought aloud awkwardly but was glad he was able to give her his information in person. He wasn't sure he was going to be able to.  
   
Lily stared at the slip of paper in her hand and felt a rush of various emotions flood her stomach. She knew James was waiting for her to say something so she forced herself to look up, working her lips into a smile.  
   
"Thanks, I'll definitely keep it nearby." She didn't know what else to say but she noticed James's eyes light up slightly at her words.  
   
"Under your pillow I hope." James teased her, hoping to see her smile.  
   
Lily laughed softly, noting the action felt unfamiliar. "Of course."  
   
James moved towards her and before she could argue he gave her a tight hug, determined to feel her against him, even if it was the last time. "I'll miss you." James whispered in her ear and he felt her stiffen slightly in his arms.  
   
It took Lily a great deal of effort to pull away from him but she made herself as looked up at the man who had changed her life in such a short amount of time.  
   
"I hope everything works out the way you want it to James."  
   
And even though his heart ached when Lily pulled away, James smiled again at the beautiful red head in front of him, his conscience feeling the lightest it had in months. He wanted this woman to be his, but knew she would have to come to him on her own.  
   
"Me too Lily."  
   
....................................................................................................................................  
  
  
   
Living on her own was a lot harder than Lily ever expected. After scrapping together the last bit of money she had after her hospital bill, she finally managed to find a place that was willing to let her move in on such short notice. It was a rather small and cramped apartment but it was hers and there was nobody there to tell her otherwise. She was also able to secure a job at the campus bookstore and she slowly but quickly established a steady rhythm.  
   
After several months of simply going to school, work, and home, Lily began to feel independent. There were times when she felt alone and missed having someone to come home to but overall she felt free,  
   
Since leaving Alex's place she had only seen him a handful of times at the university. There was still an awkward air between them but nonetheless, Alex being the gentleman Lily had always known him to be, would smile at her gently before making his way to class.  
   
But when she ran into James for the first time since saying good bye it was anything but awkward.  
   
She had been at work, putting a book away on a high shelf when she felt somebody behind her. Thinking it was a student browsing for a textbook, she quickly turned around to help.  
   
What she didn't expect was a set of dazzling hazel eyes sparkling back at her. In a span of one second Lily felt her breath disappear and her knees buckle.  
   
"Looks like you need some help there." James gave her a lopsided grin and tugged the book from her hands. Blushing, Lily turned away as James set the book in its proper place. When he turned back at her, he felt the same electricity humming between them. Noticing this he dared to take a step closer while observing her face. She didn't back away but stood her ground as she waited for her heart to slow down.  
   
James fidgeted with his jacket zipper while he watched her. It was obvious she was waiting for him to say something.  
   
"So how have you been? It's been awhile." It seemed like such a cavilier thing to say given how close they had once been but James didn't know what else to say.  
   
Lily gave him a half smile. "I've been good for the most part. Everyday has its ups and downs. How about you?"  
   
James shifted his weight back and forth, looking oddly nervous. "I'm okay. Classes are keep me distracted so I guess that's a good thing." He paused not knowing if she was ready to discuss anything pertaining to a relationship. "I miss you."  
   
Lily's heart throbbed painfully in response as she struggled to keep her face blank. She had missed him too, terribly, but she didn't know if her heart, mind, and body was ready to go through another ordeal. She could feel her face cracking a bit as James continued to stare at her intently.  
   
"I've missed you too." She whispered, allowing some of her red hair to fall down and hide her face. Her stomach insisted on doing flip flops and she half held her breath waiting for the other shoe to drop.  
   
James swallowed his sigh of relief and felt as if a tiny ray of hope had illuminated the corner of the bookstore they were standing in. He reached up and brushed the hair out of her face, delighted to see a faint blush sweeping her cheeks. He bit back a laugh and moved closer to her again. He could smell her sweet perfume.  
   
"Would you like to go out on a date with me?"  
   
Lily looked up at him, confused. "A date?"  
   
James smiled. "A date, as in two people go out together, possibly go to dinner, maybe see a movie, and if things go really well they usually end up-"  
   
Lily felt the laughter building in her stomach as she held up her hand to stop him. "I know what a date is, thank you, I guess it just sounds weird after everything we've been through."  
   
James nodded. "True, but we've got to start somewhere. And I can't think of anybody else I'd rather start something with."  
   
Lily took the final step closer to him, erasing any available distance and wrapping her arms around him. "Me either."  
   
..................................................................................................................................  
   
It had been a long time since Lily could truly say she was happy. But as the months slipped by her, happiness had become the dominant emotion invading her body. Not a day passed that she didn't feel butterflies errupting in her stomach.  
   
Her and James had been together for the past few months. Both had agreed to take things slow in the beginning, delaying any physical intimacy until it felt right. There was no need to rush things anymore, but the same electricity sizzled between them when they did go out on their dates.  
   
Life had never been better and Lily had never felt healthier. As she slipped on her dress for her date that night with James, she still felt a flutter of nerves in her stomach. She looked at herself in the mirror and smiled when she saw James standing behind her in the reflection. She smiled and turned around to greet him but before she could get a word out, his lips hushed hers.  
   
"You look beautiful." In fact James had never seen anyone look more beautiful than she did now.  
   
Lily felt warmth invade her cheeks. "Thank you, You look great too. Are you ready to go?"  
   
James shook his head. "No yet. I want to show you something."  
   
He led her into her small living room, which was dimly lit by the candles he had put out. Lily stiffled her gasp as she took in the setting. Soft music hummed in the background and an arrangement of flowers stood on the kitchen table.  
   
"James what is this?" She was still in awe and was vaguely aware that he leading her to the center of the room.  
   
"I wanted to do something special for you. These last few months have been the best of my life and everyday I realize just how much I love you." James paused, allowing himself to collect him thoughts and nerve.  
   
Lily smiled gently, relieved that she could freely express herself now. "I love you too James. Very much." She took his hand and squeezed it hard as if she could express her love and gratitude in such a simple movement.  
   
James bit his lip and swallowed his resolve. " I know and that's why I wanted to do this." And as he spoke the words he sank down to one knee still holding on tightly to Lily's hand. He heard her gasp and looked up too see tears starting to form in her startingly green eyes.  
   
"Lily Evans, you are the only woman on this Earth that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I've lived without you and during that time I realized how empty my life is without you there, talking to me, laughing with me, holding my hand. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life making you as happy as you make me. Will you marry me?" James tried to say this as slowly as he could but found it difficult due to nerves. He opened up the ring box and looked up at her, waiting.  
   
Lily felt as if her heart with joy. If someone had told her she would find love like this after all that she'd been through and all that she'd done, she would've called them crazy. But as she looked down at the man who walked through fire with her and went to hell and back she knew she had found what she'd always been looking for. She had healed, she was complete.  
   


Lily felt her face break into a spectacular smile as she wiped the falling tears from her eyes. "Yes, I will."

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